OK Now I'm really confused (long rant)
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| Sat, 05-15-2004 - 4:13am |
Update time: Sooooo he went to the abuse councellor the other night and came home a changed person apparently.....blah blah blah he told me that he gets it now and realises that he is the one with the problem (oh gee i've only been telling him that for 10 years!!hello!!) He said all the right things and told me that I must really have loved him to have put up with his crud over the years..again in my mind I'm thinking blah blah blah....
We talked for a long time about it all and he told me has always had a problem dealing with his anger (as a child he would destroy things when they didn't work the way he wanted or if they where not perfect,things he loved and wanted so badly)So i'm thinking great finally he gets that his behavior is the problem!! He is going to do a 12 week course on DV in a group for men. In the back of my mind I was thinking great he'll learn some new tricks!
Anyway I started to tell him again how I feel about everything how I don't trust him how I can't stand him anywhere near me, how I have changed my behavior to try and stop him having ammo against me etc etc etc and why now should I feel sorry for him when he hasn't felt sorry for me when he has destroyed things around me and threatened me etc etc I am so confused I want to forgive and believe that he has finally got it I know the statistics and it scares me that I will give him another chance and he will hurt me again!! I hate being in this position I don't want to break my family up......aaarrrrrhhhhhhh!!!

Also, do not under any circumstance go to the same abuse counselor. Do not share what each other has talked about that day. Do make dang sure that the counselor you are seeing is actually trained in abuse! You can check through your local shelter network to help find a trained abuse counselor. Many counselors say that they do abuse work, but if they don't have the paperwork to back it up, you could be getting the wrong advice.
Whether or not you leave is up to you, but keep learning all you can about abuse. Visit this boards homepage and check out all the links and articles. The strongest thing that will get you through this is being able to make educated decisions, not emotional ones.
I hope you can contact your local shelter network, let them help you with all the resources that are available to you. Keep a plan made with educated decisions nearby and a backup just in case. By doing the footwork now, should you have to leave quickly, you will have a plan and a place you and your children can go to.
The pangs of confusion that we all feel about the decision we have to make is mostly the conditioning we have recieved from our abusers, from our family and how we were raised, from those from previous generations who were told to do whatever was necessary to keep a family together. This is why knowledge is your closest strength.
Many have died emotionally or physically by "keeping the family together at all costs". It is those of us who have learned that the road to freedom and happiness does not always follow what others would like us to do.
Stay strong, stay focused on yourself, stay true to your path.
Hugs
Best to you and Best for you!