Told him im moving out !!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Told him im moving out !!
5
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 1:58am
I really need some feedback on this posting , there were a lot of important issues on my last posting and i was hoping to get more feedback to be honest.

Well i have told him that im moving out.He seemed to be very shocked indeed. He was going on and on about hes only just come back , and hes been really trying to make things work , like doing the laundry (lol)...and cleaning up. I told him that i APPRECIATE that but this is not the issue here, i told him its all about emotions , feelings ,the way hes talking to us , the way hes treating me and the girls , and MOST importantly , the fact that both our daughters are having emotional problems , ie - Katy(18) is having problems just going out of the house , she has regular panic attacks which leave her fighting for breath, she also has no self esteem whatsoever and is constantly angry with herself and told me last night shes got nothing to be here for?.......Amy(13) has been taken out of mainstream school because she cant cope , she doesnt sleep at night as something is frightening her (we cant get what it is out of her), so she spends most of the day asleep.

I have told him that i am having a lot of emotional and physical problems both of which are affecting my breathing and mental wellbeing, i have a constant headache and i am comfort eating......his IMMEADIATE repsonse to this was , " yes youre getting bigger by the minute"......that hurt me,, :-( his response to the problems with the girls were , he thinks Amy is skiving school ( playing a game with me to get off going to school) , and that she needs some discipline in her life , boundaries as he calls them , and we are talking about a very old fashioned way of thinking here , i think hes very oldfashioned anyway.He keeps going on about when he was that age he did as he was told or else?? times have changed or am i just siding with Amy on this one , i think she needs help myself , no-one will take her and help her until shes 14 , thats the law here.

And i do beleive that if he was any kind of a father HE would go all out to help her instead of making excuses for her problems.

When he got to Katy , well thats a different story , i dont think he likes Katy at all.

He said that Katy is just doing what SHE wants to do , and is running rings round me , and knows that i will let her get away with something that she should be doing>> er arnt we talking about the very same Katy that is ACTUALLY having panic attacks here , the one that HE HAS DONE THE MOST ABUSE TO??,hes kicked her , hes punched her , hes thrown her against the wall , hes grabbed her arm and dragged her upstairs , hes held her throat againes the wall , NO BL**** wonder shes like she is.............im angry just writing this down now!!...and the WHOLE POINT IS - HES NEVER SAID SORRY , OR GONE AND GOT HELP.

I told him this and hes now saying that all the physciatrists are a load of mumbo jumbo , and HE DOENST NEED ONE?.

I said im still going because of what youve just said , i told him 10 years ago that he needs help , and i said that because of what he done to the girls and weve kept going back because hes threatened suicide , and never to see the girls ever again , ive gone back because i couldnt the thought of the girls being without their dad.

Because of all of this and hes not changed and hes gone worse in some ways and not the emotional dad they want , they are now suffereing and doens the care..........he just says that they need boundaries , they need to do as they are told , and me moving out os going to cost him more money......oh god , please....he doesnt want us to move out , he wants us to stay and work it out.

I said even if i wanted to stay , the whole point of this is we needed to seperate for you to work on your problems as this destructive behaviour is having a terrible effect on the girls , and they need to away from this.

He said , they are just getting what they want?? and youll be one youre own doing what you want to do instead of being a proper family?? i just dont know what to think....please answer.x ...Tracey.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 7:47am
Hi Tracey ! YOU GO, GIRL!! I mean that literally.....you go - and don't look back. I'm so sorry you are dealing with an abusive man like him. All the things he's saying just prove that he's abusive and controlling (i.e., you'll be on your own and doing what you want to do.....) as opposed to staying and doing what HE WANTS YOU TO DO? Exactly. That's exactly what he wants, for you and the girls to stay and do what he wants you to do. He said the girls need discipline, who's discipline would that be? Yep - HIS. This man sounds physically as well as verbally and emotionally abusive, so the best place for you is far away from him. His whole argument was totally directed at you and the girls, no remorse or apology on his part whatsoever. He sounds just like my STBX.

Huge hugs to you and your kids - be careful and keep yourself safe!! :O)

LULA-mae

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 8:59am
I didn't have time to read the whole post - just skimmed over it. Once again, he is not changing because he is not accepting responsibility for the problems he is causing with you or the children. He's making excuses and putting the blame on everyone else. The remark he made about your weight was just unexcuseable; and any real man who had good intentions would've never made that statement.

I've had the panic attacks, etc., many times. Since filing for my divorce it hasn't bothered me a bit. I was afraid to dunk my head under water. I went on a trip this past weekend with my kids girl scout troup and actually went head first off the slide into a pool. We even discussed going scuba diving and I would've normally been terrified, but kinda got excited about it! Life is so different.

The longer you wait to move out, the older you're going to get and the more you're going to resent him.

Hugs,

Jackie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 11:18am
Im Glad you have decided to leave. You need to get you and your dd out of there. If he threatens suicide agian...

i told him 10 years ago that he needs help , and i said that because of what he done to the girls and weve kept going back because hes threatened suicide , and never to see the girls ever again , ive gone back because i couldnt the thought of the girls being without their dad

....then tell him more power to you. He probably hasnt ever even contiplated suicide, he just says it because he knows it will work. Dont listen to him, just listen to your gut. Your gut tells you it is time to leave, so just leave.

(((((((hugs)))))))))

Van

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 1:00pm

You take those girls and run.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 1:41am

Oops.

Peace and hugs,

Cheryl =)

The minute you settle for less than you