Officially separating!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Officially separating!!!
6
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 7:39am
Well H and I finally agreed to sell the house and he is now realizing that yes, I am filing for divorce. We agreed to file for separation first. In NY you have to unless you want to file under cruel and inhumane treatment. I was going to do that if he fought me on it. Looks like he will only fight me if I do file that way. He still wants to see if we can work it out....NO WAY!!!!

He just doesn't get that the more he tries to talk me into that the angrier I get!!

I even signed and mailed the retainer agreement and gave the lawyer part of the retainer.

I am on my way!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 12:50pm

Woo-hoo!

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 11:16pm
So this morning he calls me to say he thinks we should do a self-divorce!!! And he's trying to get me to answer him today. Not happening! He wants to do it that way because it is cheaper.

My stepmother is going to speak to her boss (a lawyer)to see what his knowledge is of self divorces. My gut says no way. Not with everything in my name (house, cars, credit). And he's making noise about maybe not helping to pay the mortgage since he's not living here. I'm putting it up on the market so it wouldn't be for long. My lawyer said if he does that she'll argue for more money out of the sale of the house. He's nuts if he thinks I'm doing that. The more I think about it the more I think NO WAY!!!

I think I remember others posting about having bad experiences with self divorces.

Any opinions???

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 1:32am

1) Trust your gut.


2) The law office where I went has had to fix waaaaaaay too many self-divorces because what happens is you get the papers, you fill them out without knowing what you are actually filling out.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 7:44pm

Hi Joshu…I’m in NY too, on <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Long Island.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

- Maya Angelou

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 9:56pm
Thank you for your responses. I decided to use my lawyer. It really wasn't a hard decision but I looked at all my options and spoke to my dad. He agreed with me that going through a lawyer was the way to go.

H isn't too happy and gave me attitude. He basically said that I can't deal with money issues and never could and that's why I need a lawyer. Then had the nerve to say my anger makes it impossible for him to discuss anything with him. Jerk.

I was so glad after that conversation that I was going through the lawyer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 10:58am
Hi! I am a past poster of this board and still post. I post more regularly on the sister board but lurk here. I left my husband for the second time almost 2 years ago. We are just now going through the divorce process. His wonderful idea was a divorce kit he bought for $48.00. I believe in my case he bought because first of all yes it would be cheaper..but he also wanted me to just quickly sign papers and walk away from the marriage with nothing. He knew once I sat down with lawyers...they would advice me on the rights he didn't want me to know about. I told him there was no way we were using it. On the advice of my lawyer which I have retained..we have given him some options. Basically the ball is in his court to decide which route he wants to take.

We can:

1. mediation (which with him i don't think there is a chance in HE- double hockey stick!

2. collaborative law (sitting down with my lawyer, his lawyer and ourselves and coming to aggreements that work for both of us with the advice of lawyers sitting in on the meeting with us and keeping matters out of court) this is a cheaper means then court and hopefully a way to keep things from turning real ugly between us which court might do

3. court - expensive, painful and a long process!

My lawyer has written him a letter giving him the options and to discuss the options with me and figure out what will work best for both of us. If he's going to be a jerk and can't make a fair decision I will make the final once and go through court. Which I don't want to because I will fork out too much money which I don't have.

So...there are OUR options. I don't know what your relationship is with your husband...or what your financial situation is. But I am very happy to hear you did not go through the "self-divorce" option. My lawyer as well said...NOT a smart move to do the self divorce.

Good luck!!

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