Is this abuse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Is this abuse?
4
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 1:47am
Ok, I really need some unbiased opinions on whether my fiance's actions constitute as abuse or not. He never wants to go anywhere even though I'm at home 24/7 with our son (and he has the only car for work.) He won't help with our son at all and expects me to do everything while he plays online games. He yells at me a lot for making him mad even when he's the one who said the thing to me that got me upset, usually it's I'm childish and can't make any decisions on my own. He is a total control freak, he always has to have everything his way or no way and then tells me that I am! He constantly makes it seem like being a student (college, which my father and scholarships pay for) a stay-at-home mom are super easy and that the only one who has any reason to be tired or upset is him. Granted he turns it all around and makes me feel so small. He has a huge superiority complex. He yells at me when he knows my family can hear and is constantly threatening to leave to the extent where he just gets his keys and then changes his mind. If I try to walk away when he yells at me and calls me names, he grabs my arms/wrist/waist and won't let me go and gets really mad when I tell him to stop and pulls tighter. His family has a history of mental illness also. He makes me feel like I'm only good for things men thought women were only good for in the 1920's. I always feel worthless and I don't even cry anymore when he yells at me. I know there is other things he does I just can't think straight right now. I just need to know, is this emotional abuse and should I leave asap?


Edited 5/19/2004 1:57 am ET ET by cece177
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
In reply to: cece177
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 3:32am
I could never live with someone like that in real life, I would be embarrassed to be seen in public with someone who treated me like that. Yet, like I should talk, see the weird thing is, in secret (on the net), I keep hoping this guy I know on a message board would change if we met in real life, so that we DON'T live in real life like you described. So I guess I'm a kind of hypocrite in a way(?).

Whether it's technically abuse or not, I don't know. I just know I woudln't live with someone like that in public, on the internet (on-line romance), I have put up with it, not that I wanted to, but in public, no way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
In reply to: cece177
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 9:08am
Hi cece! Huge Hugs to you !! What you are experiencing is not only emotional abuse, but also verbal, financial, AND physical too. I always thought physical abuse was just being hit and beat up, but after coming to this board and the sister board, I've discovered a lot of other types of physical abuse that I never would've considered before. The act of preventing you from leaving a room by "grabbing your arm/wrist/waist.." or even blocking a doorway constitute physical abuse. My STBX used to block me in a corner with his arms on either side of me and his hands up on the wall whenever I tried to walk away from him. I never considered this to be abuse at all, until I checked out the home page. He never touched me, now I think he did that on purpose so that it couldn't be called physical abuse, BOY, was he wrong!! Anyway, your situation sounds dangerous so please please be very careful and keep yourself and your child safe.

There is another post on this board which contains an abuse checklist. I went thru it a couple days ago - you should check it out too; I'm sure you will be able to check off quite a few on the list, as did I. Keep posting here and keep us updated, OK?

LULA-mae

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
In reply to: cece177
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 4:57pm

Welcome to the board, cece177.

Peace and hugs,

Cheryl =)

The minute you settle for less than you

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: cece177
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 7:40pm

Hi cece…welcome to the board.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

- Maya Angelou