I did it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
I did it!
5
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 10:43am
Well, I left him. I made it out Saturday. In the process of loading up all my organized clothes, documents, momentos, etc. I totally panicked. My poor son only has like 3 outfits. Oh well, at least I made it. Now I have this sick feeling in my stomach. I thought I would feel total relief and happiness but mostly I just feel sick and scared. Where do I go from here? When will I feel calm and relief like the others who have made it out?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: illinigirl10
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 12:58pm

Okay, the important thing is you are out and you are safe.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
In reply to: illinigirl10
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 7:04pm
I ended up going to my sister's house. I did tell my family what was going on and they have been great. Unfortunately, I am a nervous wreck, floating from place to place because I'm so afraid he'll find me. So far in a week, I've stayed at 2 of my brother's, sister's, and my aunt's. My poor son is up several times a night with all the change.

I did get an emergency OP against him. I cried through the whole proceeding but the legal advocate from the DV shelter was my rock. She walked me through the whole thing. However, the backwards county that I live in may have not even served him with it and its been a whole week. He and his mother claim they know nothing about it. My husband did show up at my son's first year checkup appointment to my horrified surprise. I guess he simply called the doctor and asked when we were scheduled. I guess that one is my fault for not advising them differently. He was not violent but so sad and distraught. I bet he's lost 15 pounds. Shaking, white, looked horrible. I did feel a little sorry for him but didn't let it show. I calmly told him to leave before I call the cops. He handed me a letter and left. The letter basically begged me to come home. His mother has also called my sister at least 30 times since I left. I'm not sure how to handle that since you really can't call the police and say "she keeps calling".

I don't know. I'm much more calm now but still feeling lost. Another factor is that his dad is dying of cancer and his family really wants him to visit with my son (his grandson) in the hospital. I don't know what to do. I know that I don't want to see my husband or his family right now. I also don't trust them to return my son if I let him visit. Any advice on that one?

Anyway, I'm staying strong but yearning for some stability and routine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: illinigirl10
Tue, 06-01-2004 - 7:30pm

YES YOU CAN.


ANY contact under an OP, be it in writing, phone, or THIRD PARTY (i.e. his mother) is considered a violation and he MUST be reported.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
In reply to: illinigirl10
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 4:14pm
First of I want to give you a big hug, one survivor to another, reading your words brought back a flood of memories and I wanted in some way to let you know that while this may seem like such a difficult time for you rihgt now you will soon move on to place where you feel the peace and the calm. I fled to the Shelter in february and there were nights in the begining when I would literally lie awake wondering if I was insance but I knew in my heart I did the right things and all I needed was time and the courage to do what was necessary. You are probably begining to feel better now, once you settle a bit and begin focusing on establishing a routine for your son you begin to feel more in control of your situation. It will come, trust me, I have been out almost 5 months now and for themost part my life is peaceful, I still need to deal with the effects of his abuse but mylife is my own and that in itself brings the most peace (well as much as I can get with a full time job and 2 kids LOL). You will discover more strength, more courage and happiness thab you can imagine, all in good time, you have done a tremendous thing and you need time to adjust. Take care of yourself, both physically and emotionally, have someone to talk to (these Boards are super), write in your journal, play with your son...live, be free. This sounds all so dramatic but the full joy and happiness of life is begining to unfold for me as I discover my indepenace and my strength in a life free from abuse. I hope I was of some help to you, take your time, you have already done the big thing and once you recover from the panic (that I remember all too well!) you will start to feel the releif and the happiness.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
In reply to: illinigirl10
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 10:24pm
Thanks, Lisa. Your words of encouragement did help. I am starting to calm down a bit but still constantly looking over my shoulder and feel sick every time the phone rings. Our court date for the Order of Protection is Tuesday and I am not looking forward to seeing him at the court house. I'm sure his family will be there either glaring at me or making me feel guilty. Hopefully the judge will extend the emergency OP quickly and I can get out of there. My lawyer hasn't mentioned what I need to prepare for the proceding. Does anyone out there have thoughts on what I need to prove my continued need for the OP? I'm a little worried about his state of mind at this point as well. Hopefully he won't flip out and do something crazy at the hearing like you see on the 10 o'clock news. My son will be safely hidden for the day, so that's a relief.

Thanks again for the advice. This board is great. It gives me confidence to move forward and that's definitely what I need right now.