Dear Springolife I am no expert but this is abuse he is threating you and physically hurting you and your children you need to get them out. Ever heard the saying two wrongs don't make a wright! Yes you hit him but does that mean he does the wrong thing back to you..self defence is just that defending yourself which he wasn't doing by the sound of it. Please read all you can on the home page and contact a shelter for some advice.
Your DD loves her daddy and is looking for his approval but at what cost ....he has threated to kill you and your girls THIS IS NO JOKE EVER!! It is abuse!
I am so afraid for you please get help and get it now for your girls sake if he hurts your DD again ring the police!!
Sarah, please, if you get this message, call the police and get out! Now, before he has time to leave work and get to you. He has made suggestions about killing you. He has picked up a year-old child by her arm! He is dangerous. Please ask the police to pick you up.
(By the way, I'm delurking to post. I'm usually on the surviving divorce board. Hon, this scares me!)
I am currently separated from my abusive husband. I see that you have two premature babies. I too had premature children (twin boys). My husband became very abusive durring my pregnancy. As I got sicker and sicker he got meaner and meaner. He did not even drive me to the hospital when I finally delivered. By the time I got a ride to the hospital I was in kidney failure and me and the boys almost died. I think some men can't stand it when they don't get all the attention. I remember one time when both apnea monitors were going off and he left me alone at 3 am to deal with it. He would become furious if the boys woke him up. Both of my boys react very badly to him. The courts give my husband a lot of visitation. I stuggle with this but most of the time they are with me. I can provide a safe and loving home now. When I lived with him I could not protect them or myself. Now when they are with me we have respect, love, and peace. It is less than what I feel my children deserve but for right now it is the very best I can do. I get couseling at the Womens Center and it really helps. Take care LOVE bupcie
You mention your family believing you only divorce if adultery has been committed. What about murder???? Murder of their daughter and grandaughters?????? This is a serious situation and possibly your family does not realize the extent of it.
You also mentioned your parents wouldn't want to go through all this house trouble is you were planning to leave them. Please..please look at what YOU need to do for YOU and your little girls. Quit worrying right now about what your parents would think. Your parents will understand and accept it in time. My mother as well said "every marriage has problems..you just find ways to work it out...you don't just get a divorce when things get bad." Well things WERE bad...and I had to look out for my children and myself and I left him. My mother doesn't love me or accept me any less today. Myself and my children are here today!
I am sorry if I am as well being harsh...but you need to get out.
If you grew up with abuse..please don't let your girls grow up with it. Give them a chance at living an abuse free life. Leave NOW...and give them an opportunity to grow up without abuse. Them growing up like this..will only allow the cycle of abuse to continue...and they too will be in abusive relationships when they are older. I'm sure that is not what you want for your babies.
Please ...please take care of you..and your girls...right now!
Abusers are known to NOT take responsibility for their actions. There is always someone or something to blame. Mine always told me that he never abused me. He was in total denial that he ever did anything wrong. He also told me any problems we had in the marriage were because of me. So don't hold your breath that suddenly he will blame himself.
Secondly...we had the option of counselling through our pastor as well. But do remember that a pastor does not necessarily have the skills to deal with an abusive marriage. Don't get me wrong..this is your choice here...but I just don't want to see you sticking around waiting for him to miracously change. I used to pray night after night...day after day...for God to change him..to have him treat the children and I with respect. That obviously wasn't in God's plan because there was not change.
Your saying he doesn't want you to leave...well..I don't think any of them "want" us to leave because then they would lose some of their control.
I'm not trying to sound like I know alot...or that I'm telling you exactly what to do..but reading your first post frightened me terribly..and NO child..I mean NO child needs to be abused by anyone..nor does any woman or man. But you are responsible to protect those children from that type of thing. Don't stay there and allow it to happen again. If you do decide to leave him...please have some sort of plan in place. Contact your local women's shelter. To me his words of "killing" ...frightened me. I would take them seriously...for your sake and those children. Please protect yourself and those babies. When they were born premature...I'm sure you protected them...and wouldn't let any harm come their way...don't stop now.
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Your DD loves her daddy and is looking for his approval but at what cost ....he has threated to kill you and your girls THIS IS NO JOKE EVER!! It is abuse!
I am so afraid for you please get help and get it now for your girls sake if he hurts your DD again ring the police!!
I am so sad for your situation please be safe!!
hugs M
Welcome to the board, springoflife.
Peace and hugs,
Cheryl =)
The minute you settle for less than you
Out of the over one hundred things on the checklist, he's only done MAYBE six.
Oh my God, my marriage is over.
(By the way, I'm delurking to post. I'm usually on the surviving divorce board. Hon, this scares me!)
You mention your family believing you only divorce if adultery has been committed. What about murder???? Murder of their daughter and grandaughters?????? This is a serious situation and possibly your family does not realize the extent of it.
You also mentioned your parents wouldn't want to go through all this house trouble is you were planning to leave them. Please..please look at what YOU need to do for YOU and your little girls. Quit worrying right now about what your parents would think. Your parents will understand and accept it in time. My mother as well said "every marriage has problems..you just find ways to work it out...you don't just get a divorce when things get bad." Well things WERE bad...and I had to look out for my children and myself and I left him. My mother doesn't love me or accept me any less today. Myself and my children are here today!
I am sorry if I am as well being harsh...but you need to get out.
If you grew up with abuse..please don't let your girls grow up with it. Give them a chance at living an abuse free life. Leave NOW...and give them an opportunity to grow up without abuse. Them growing up like this..will only allow the cycle of abuse to continue...and they too will be in abusive relationships when they are older. I'm sure that is not what you want for your babies.
Please ...please take care of you..and your girls...right now!
Well, DH said he doesn't want us to leave and will do anything to keep us here.
Secondly...we had the option of counselling through our pastor as well. But do remember that a pastor does not necessarily have the skills to deal with an abusive marriage. Don't get me wrong..this is your choice here...but I just don't want to see you sticking around waiting for him to miracously change. I used to pray night after night...day after day...for God to change him..to have him treat the children and I with respect. That obviously wasn't in God's plan because there was not change.
Your saying he doesn't want you to leave...well..I don't think any of them "want" us to leave because then they would lose some of their control.
I'm not trying to sound like I know alot...or that I'm telling you exactly what to do..but reading your first post frightened me terribly..and NO child..I mean NO child needs to be abused by anyone..nor does any woman or man. But you are responsible to protect those children from that type of thing. Don't stay there and allow it to happen again. If you do decide to leave him...please have some sort of plan in place. Contact your local women's shelter. To me his words of "killing" ...frightened me. I would take them seriously...for your sake and those children. Please protect yourself and those babies. When they were born premature...I'm sure you protected them...and wouldn't let any harm come their way...don't stop now.
brooke
Hi Spring, welcome to the board -
Your post has both cheezed me off and scared the living daylights out of me.
CL-Blueliner4
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