Am I Wrong?
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| Fri, 06-11-2004 - 4:53pm |
Last night I went out to dinner with my daughter's friend's mother. She had helped me move. I wanted to repay her. My daughter wanted fast food, a dvd to rent, pay per view movie to rent, a cappachino and frosty. I said "no, I don't have the money". She said "Daddy gave you $1,050; what did you do with it?" When I asked him today for $20, he said "you didn't have any money but you went out to dinner and "a bar". (It's a very nice restaurant and we had a drink.) I told him but that was for me, that I don't make that much money, and I expected him to compensate me for when she stays with me. After all, she does take 1/2 hour showers at my place and I always have snack stuff for her, which I don't eat snack food.
Anyway, I felt he was trying to make me feel like I was wrong. Obviously, I'm questioning myself because I'm posting this; but I didn't feel guilty for going out to dinner with a friend and not buying my daughter EVERYTHING she wanted. I did rent the DVD for her and took her home some wings from the restaurant, which she didn't even eat!
He says it's all about me and the same old same old "I'm selfish and only think of myself." She said the same thing. I know she's learning from him. I realize that. But am I wrong? Should I have not asked for $20, bought her everything she wanted, and still took myself out to dinner and then just skrimped til payday? Since he has her more than I do, he feels he shouldn't have to pay me anything.
I at one point said I take things one day at a time. I do....but I know I am not going back to him. I will never live that controlling life again. And he's still trying to control me! Next week I'm going to a graduation party and I feel like I have to lie about it so neither one of them know I'm going because I'd have to listen to his comments about "are you having fun with your new friends". So I'll just lie to save peace, the story of my life. God, that's why I left him!!!!! And he's still doing it to me and she does it to me too. And I know, she's learning from him. Why doesn't she stay with me more often? He lives in the house with the yard and things to do, plus her and I battle big time. I just have the apartment, no yard, and she can't very well go outside to clean, country air.
Answers anybody?? Am I wrong?
Happy!

Hey Happy -
This is completely typical, so it's not you.
CL-Blueliner4
Hi makesmehappy…I’ve seen a lot of abusive men not pay child support until they are ordered to by the courts.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Maya Angelou
My daughter is 14 and hasn't wanted for much. I've always given into her (my mistake) because I couldn't stand the whining or the way she would treat me if she was denied (dumb move on my part). She was still with me on Saturday and we had a decent talk. She doesn't want to "live" with me in my apartment because it's too small for her, and she'll stay with me when her dad is working. I can half understand her because I lived in the country with wide open spaces and acreage, BUT she needs to be with me also. So the arrangement is for her to be with me when her dad is working midnight. This amounts to about 12 days of the month; BUT when she needs to go to the pool, or the movies, or volleyball practice, I usually do this for her because (1) either her dad is working or (2) he's busy.
Anyway, after another battle over money on Saturday, he agreed to pay me $200 at the beginning of each month for her. THEN he says "but don't get mad when I ask you what you did with it." Here we go again! I just looked at him. This was one of our problems...his controlling ways over money.
So whether he gives me the $200 or not, I don't know. No matter what, she needs to understand that I can't be doing what I always used to do for her.
Oh, Cshel, he is so manipulative. I'm the bad one. Now she's home cleaning and doing this and that for him "without a problem". All her and I did was battle over chores. Sometimes I feel like they are making me look like it was always me that was the problem. I won't do that to myself. I know what I lived. Her and I got along fine for three days until yesterday when I took her back to her dad's. Then she copped this attitude with me, and it just makes me sick inside.
She's gotten spoiled from both of us in the past, now I can't give her all she wants and daddy looks good because of it. They are both manipulating me and I just can't go there. I get weak, sick, and just want to cry all over for what they are doing. I know she doesn't understand, but she is 14 and she isn't stupid. I just want her to love me.
Thanks, Cshel......Happy