terrified with 3 kids

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
terrified with 3 kids
3
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 3:17pm
I left my huband of 12 years 8 months ago. We have 3 boys together 11, 9, 7. They have all been through so much it tears me up inside. We had to move 3 states away and leave our whole family behind to get away from him. They all 3 have emotional problem. The oldest and the youngest also have bipolar I and the youngest has PTSD and ADHD. They middle one I'm not sure what to think about him because he not acting out like the others.

I feel so guilty because I stayed so long. And at the same time I'm angry because he did this to us. We have our bad days and our good. Sometimes I have to force myself to get out of bed. I hate to cry in front of them. And it tears my heart out when they cry because they can't see grandma when they want they can't go spend the night with their cousins. They can't go help grandpa in the feild or go fishing with Pappy.

There are times I wish that I had never met this man. But then I think about the bueatiful kids he gave me. I don't want them to have the same problems as their dad does.

I just don't know what to do. I

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 3:42pm

Hi Smiley, and welcome -


There are many others here who can identify with "Mommy Guilt" (in fact, I'm going to email one of the sister board CLs about this), but I want you to understand that you are doing the best thing for them you can do, and that is giving them an abuse-free life.


Have you used your shelter network?

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2004
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 5:18pm
Thank you for replying. It feels good to know other people have gone through the same things. Yes I'm in contact with my family. They are very supportive of my choices. They were very upset that I hadn't told them how bad things had gotten. I still have my old cell phone # so that they can contact me in an emergency. But I have a hard time talking to them because they don't understand the emotions I am going through. They don't understand when I say I miss him or that the boys miss their dad. I try to explain that there were good things about him that I loved and still do. But I made the choice not to live that way anymore.

Were all in counceling myself included. The to with bipolar see their councelors twice a week. Their doctor feels that is why my husband is the way he is because it is hereditary.

And he feels that he self medicates to not feel that way. Things got really bad there at the end.

Thank you so muchfor your kind and helpful words

Avatar for cajunharmony
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2001
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 8:01pm

Hi, smiley, and welcome to one of the most wonderful places to get the support you so desperately need.

Mama Harmony