I kept the peace

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
I kept the peace
1
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 4:22pm
I didn't go up to my Aunt's funeral. My cousin (this aunt's oldest daughter is one of the people I have spoken to openly about what is going on, not to mention that she is a pastor), agreed that the best thing to do was to keep my head down for now. I will probably always regret not going, but, I did call up to my brother's house a couple hours after the funeral and spent a good 2 hours on the phone with all my cousins. Fortunately, we have unlimited long distance on our phone and H will never know that. They are putting together a "cousin's directory" of names, phone numbers, addresses and emails, and are going to send it to all of us. I'm excited about that. I spoke with family I have not been able to see or speak to in over 20 years, since my husband moved me down here. I have no family here, all of my family is 1500 miles away. His family is here. And their response to this whole thing was "Dont' worry about it right now, just remember what goes around comes around" His Mom and step dad both agree I should have gone, they think he was a total poop. And they also agree that he's becoming more and more self centered and narcissistic as the years go on. I am very fortunate to have a MIL who went through these same abuses with my H father, she was luckier though in that he left her, but only after 25 years of marriage. And she sits here and tells me, "You don't have to take this, we will all understand when and if you decide to leave." How supportive is that? That is from my H's mother!!!!

As far as my job search goes, I sent in my resume, but they have since taken down the job postings, and I didn't get called, guess I'll have to look for something else in the interim. Kind of disheartening, but I have not lost the faith in finding something that I can and want to do.

Just filling you in, I'm proud of myself for not causing a fight, I'm disappointed in myself for not standing up for myself once again, and I'm still looking forward to a future when I won't need "permission" to live my life.

Lori

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
In reply to: jljz
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 4:52pm
Lori, honey, you kept the peace, but at what cost?

I know you don't want to make him mad . . . believe me, I understand. But, if he's such a sh!t that his OWN FAMILY tells you that they'll understand if/when you leave, that *really* tells you something. Good luck with you job search, and I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your aunt.

Love & Hugs,

Emm