Husband Arrested, I feel terrible

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Husband Arrested, I feel terrible
2
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 2:15pm
(I also posted this on another board, just wanted to see if I would get any replies)

My abusive husband of 15 yrs was removed from our home Saturday by the police while he was in a rage, threatening me, pushing me and breaking doors etc. He was arrested and charged with Drunk and Disorderly and Damage to Property. I have filed an order of protection which we will go to court about on Monday. In Wisconsin these orders are for 4 years. I am feeling so torn about this. He has a good job, I have excellent benefits from him, (I am a cancer survivor with many health issues), and I am scared to death about losing my insurance. I don't work and am on SSI. I'm 40. We have a home that may need to be sold now.

I removed the money from the bank 2 days ago that is taken out for the mortgage. I left in 300.00, and now he has removed that this morning. Luckily I took the money out or we would not have a mortgage paid this month.

This abusive drunk jerk has made my life hell for years. I don't know why in the heck I am worried about him, and what is going to happen. He has very wealthy parents who probably won't help him financially, but will probably hire him a lawyer to take me to the cleaners.

I am going to a support group tonight, but I cannot stop worrying about what is going on. I have been in control of the money for so long, but always worrying about "when he would write a bad check or steal money from my purse for his beer". I mean I don't have to live with that now, but I guess it all being so new to me, I don't know how to cope. I keep feeling guilty, knowing that I participated in some of the fights, he would make me so angry and was so cruel I would throw something at him, and he would then have reason to come after me. I don't want to feel so badly, how in the heck do you break out of this? The 4 year no contact order is also scaring me, how do I maintain our home, our 16 yr old child, everything, with him out there probably causing chaos for me that I will eventually have to clean up like I always do.

I guess I am looking for a magic cure, I know there is not one out there, but this mess seems to be way too big for me to clean up. I trust God and know he is with me, but the fear of all of this is consuming me.

Why would I even consider letting him back in here? I mean how sick am I? Here I am alone trying to fix up my house from a flood 2 weeks ago, while he is running around cleaning out our bank accounts and doing whatever? I just need to find some peace, and I am not getting it. I am feeling so afraid, so alone, and not knowing how I am going to get through my decisions.

I will check this board later, maybe someone's words will shine a light for me.

Thanks

Kat

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2003
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 4:54pm
Kat,

Oh sweetie, my heart goes out to you right now. You did the right thing. He has no right to behave in that manner around you. The alcohol is a poor excuse too. These "men" feel the need to make women obligated to stay with them, they will say and do anything in order to have control of the situation. Whatever you do, do not feel guilty!!!! He provoked you. You normally would not have said or done things during arguments if you were not provoked by the situation. Your right, there is no magic cure to make it easier. I was in a similar relationship about 2 years ago, and even though he's out of my life he still is in my memories, no mattrr how hard you try to, not forget, but accept the whole situation. U getting the 4 year no contact order is one of the best things for you right now. Change is scary and it may not seem like it's the best thing to do, especially with the possibility of loosing your insurance. I beleive that everything in life happens for a reason and although for the most part, it doesn't make sense initailly, good times will come. I wish i had a little more advice for you, but i belive that every woman is strong inside, it just sometimes takes a little longer to reaslize than you think. I'm sending you prayers and positive support. This board really helped me a few years ago and I hope it will help you find the strength you need to go forward and face all the happy times and challenges to come. All the best Jenn
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Fri, 06-25-2004 - 10:29am
Thank You so much Jenn. Yes, day to day my feelings change. I get mad at myself for letting this ever continue. The poor sap is now out there leaching off friends, and getting compassion for "what I did to him", I know it's all crap, and I have to remember that this is consequences from decisions he made. I will have to be strong, and pray for God's guidance.

I will keep in touch.

Kat