When others say he is a great guy...
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When others say he is a great guy...
| Thu, 06-24-2004 - 6:40pm |
I am confused by how I feel when outsiders tell me how wonderful my husband is. I feel angry. I want to feel happy that whoeverit is thinks highly of him, but deep down,

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Hi Notsure and welcome -
Abusers are chameleons.
CL-Blueliner4
Others say he's a great guy most likely because he's not practiced in the art of humility. My sister's dreadful husband is often considered to be a charming guy because he's shows no sign of being timid, he is outgoing, and entertaining to the outsider. People think "It must be an interesting life to always be around such charisma, and such a lively person."
Recently, I came to the realization that part of the reason why I didn't leave sooner than I did is because everyone LOVED my ex so I was certain nobody would believe me. It was hard because deep down I didn't think I would find any support anywhere, that they would all believe him.
Some did believe me and supported me, some didn't. But man oh man. I tired very quickly of listening to people tell me how congenial and easy to get along with.
I know exactly what you're talking about.
Love, and many hugs
Sarah
It has taken me a very long time to get to the point I am at, I still have a ways to go, but mentally I believe I am ready - I am now waiting - not sure what for - but I am waiting to make my move (so to speak) and when I go, I won't be putting blame anywhere (if I can help it) - but I know he will be looking for blame because he won't be able to understand that MY FEELINGS are MINE and they aren't what he wants them to be, no matter and especially because he CONTROLS me!
Read and learn all you can - there is so much help from this board and the home page. You are looking for and need validation from others that you aren't imagining his behavior - come here - you will find the support you need until you are ready to do what ever you decide needs to be done.
Hugs and welcome,
ples
strength76
He spend beyond our means, our car was repo'ed, and now it's all my fault! I was forced to go on Medicaid to get our children health care and he was still out buying himself golf shirts. My oldest is from my first marriage and has no more contact with him, but I, too, fear the 2 year old will end up being like him.
I just pray that justice will come of this mess at some point and that others can learn from our experiences...
I think that Karma will eventually catch up with all these men. He is going to be lost without someone to control, although he's incapable of doing anything for himself. I cooked, cleaned, took care of him & the kids, keep the finances, ran his business. He needed ME, not the other way. I thought I needed him, but I don't. I've dealt with "less" for some time now, too. I don't have much, but it's mine and I love having my freedom from his "reign" of power.
Life is so much nicer without him around, no fights, no fear, no unforseen obstacles other than those life usually offers. Hopefully the kids will be okay. I found out he was trying to give up his company and work somewhere out of state. I hope he does so that he doesn't continue to mess with my son's head. I'm sure he'll neglect the child support then, too. It's already arriving later and later...can't do anything until after 30 days. And he knows it...
It's just amazing what these great guy are made of...absolutely nothing!
Funny, you mention your x leaving the state. Mine just told me the same over the weekend. He has applied for jobs (he is only working part-time right now and is living off his retirement) and will most likely relocate out of the area. He will put our sons out. As I mentioned before, the older two can live on their own and the youngest is making progress toward repairing the damage he did and may be able to move back in with me when the house sells. In a nutshell, my youngest son attacked me several weeks ago and I have not allowed him back into the house. I have started counseling and have also joined Families Anonymous to help me deal with that issue, plus the remaining emotional garbage left over from my marriage. My x had all the control over the finances, decision-making, everything and basically told me that I could not exist without him. I have proven him wrong.
As for child support, my youngest did just graduate from high school last month. However, I received no child support from September 02 until he graduated. We did not go through Friend of the Court (big mistake now, I know), but I managed. I also refused spousal support, because I viewed that as a control issue and I wanted him to have NO power over me.
Also just found out that the x is now bad-mouthing me and saying his financial problems are the result of me divorcing him and not his bad financial choices made post-divorce. Yes, karma has arrived. He can bad-mouth me all he wants but I am not the one living in neck-deep debt and I have not had to cash in my retirement just to survive.
To the rest who read this post, I have only attended one Families Anonymous meeting, but I was amazed to listen to the stories of other families and the unconditional support they gave has already helped me in staying strong and not allowing my son back into my home. He has apologized for the attack and we have talked some about all of the issues... substance abuse, the verbal/physical assault of several weeks ago and his feelings toward his father. My heart has wanted to let him back, but I know I cannot, yet. I will continue counseling and FA and do feel more optimistic now than before.
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