What Amazes Me.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
What Amazes Me.....
3
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 3:21pm
What amazes me is how everything can be going along perfectly - having a good day, etc, and then all of the sudden all hell breaks loose and it lasts for hours - venting, getting nasty with each other, etc. I accused him of having a girlfriend. I'm sorry, I know that's abusive to treat your spouse like that, but he'd been being nasty with me and our 2 1/2 yo dd off and on till Saturday night - acting like it was such a pain to have to put up with us, etc...and I had just about had enough. My ex acted like that and the cause was a girlfriend on the side, who he's now married to and they're relationship is terrible (te he - she got exactly what she deserved). Then I looked on his emails from his ebay business, and sure enough there was a suggestive email on there from a woman in Florida wanting to buy eggs from him (he sells bird eggs and knives). He got furious and threw a stack of CDs against the wall, breaking them, and shouted "I've never cheated on you....". I really don't think he has, that I know of, I know he can't control what the other woman emails - and I've never seen an email from her, and I checked the sent mail to see if he had emailed her back (he hadn't), etc., but it still hurt to see an email like that on my dh's email. Anyway, he threw the usual fit - putting his clothes on, saying he's fed up and leaving - I told him, fine, leave, and maybe I'll have the locks changed by the time you get back. He wasn't gone very long, unfortunately. Thank goodness DD was asleep the whole time this was going on. If he's sick and tired of us, why doesn't he just LEAVE??? ok, don't answer, I know - because he enjoys abusing us. I also reminded him that he lost his last family being stupid, and he was getting ready to lose another with similar stupidity. I called the spouse abuse shelter, and talked to a counselor. She said I should have been the one upset and angry - not him. I told him he was making himself look guilty by being so angry about my looking at the email at home. What a jerk. I really need to get that book - Why Does He Do That? because that's the question that keeps going over and over in my mind. I know it's him and not entirely me although I can go off too when I'm tired, and not really mean it. My ex dh was like that, and unfortunately it took me 23 years to see that it was him and not me - double jerk I don't know what I ever saw in him. Current dh told me one time if I were to leave with dd he would kill himself. If he keeps it up I'm going to say one day fine, here's a gun and there's the trigger - do the world a favor. He is so angry and hateful sometimes because of the abusive situation he grew up in, and his ex wife is a real monster too. I've tried so hard not to be like her, but sometimes I can't help just popping off at him. Maybe I'll get lucky one day and he really will have a girlfriend so I'll be truly justified in telling him to get his stuff and get out. You just never know, do you? I should have stayed single because him, my ex and my dad have me believing there aren't any "nice" men out there who don't do this kind of crap. The weird thing that makes it hard is they can turn around and be so nice sometimes - current dh does all the cooking, helps with laundry, mows the yard, will give dd a bath and put her to bed if I get too tired, washes my car, etc. What the heck??! Constructive comments back are fine. Please do not "rake me over the coals" - I get enough of that at home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 3:57pm

No, no, no, no hot coals, no noodle lashings.


Given what happened during the budget sessions and has historically happened during those times (from what I've gathered), I don't see the point of waiting to catch him in something.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 1:28pm
Thank you so much. Things are better now, of course, we're in the honeymoon stage and he's apologetic and trying to make up for it. The thing is he has gotten better since we've been married. Tomorrow is our 4th anniversary. It used to be on a weekly basis, now it's maybe once a month. But I will call the counselor at the shelter and touch base with him to let him know it's happened again. Only thing is will they take your child if you tell them you're having some trouble??
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 2:54pm

The shelter is not CPS, they're not a policing agency, they're not watchdogs.

CL-Blueliner4