Best Way to get out?
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Best Way to get out?
| Mon, 06-28-2004 - 10:53pm |
Hi. I am new here and post on another message board earlier today and got a responce that you ladies maybe of great help to me. Here is my situation: I have been married 3 (almost 4 years now). We have an 11 month old son. I mainly got married (at 16) because i wanted out of my house (which was very bad, there was a lot of drugs and abuse from my dad to my mom) and of course i was feeled with "high school love". Well, even when we where dating he was a little controling about where i went and who i talked too but after we where married, I couldn't have a job, go to school, have friends, or talk to my family. He has a bad temper and if we argue about ANYTHING he started yelling, and throwing things. There have only been 4 situation where he has slaped me but he normal gets in my face, spilts on me, pushes me etc. I tried once to talk to him about it and he says "Abuse? no i don't hit you, what your dad did to your mom was abuse, i just fight like everyone else" or "Well,if you wouldn't have ______" or "In a marriage ________"
The crazy thing is i am just now seeing all of it for what it is. A friend said "I just don't want to see you end up like your mom" and it is like a light turned on in my head...Oh My God...If i don't get out now, in 10 years i will be in the same situation. It is just going to get worse. I love him but i just can't end up like that....I am only 20.
But my problem is now i don't have a job, money, a car, support or anything. I am really afride he will try to take our little boy away from me. Does anyone know anything about child custody? Also once i do get things in order, I don't think it would be wise to tell him face to face i am leaving but how do you write that in a note? Should i leave town for a few days? How can a arrange child care etc. with him, without him going off the deep end? There is so much to think about and any advice would be heaven sent!!!
The crazy thing is i am just now seeing all of it for what it is. A friend said "I just don't want to see you end up like your mom" and it is like a light turned on in my head...Oh My God...If i don't get out now, in 10 years i will be in the same situation. It is just going to get worse. I love him but i just can't end up like that....I am only 20.
But my problem is now i don't have a job, money, a car, support or anything. I am really afride he will try to take our little boy away from me. Does anyone know anything about child custody? Also once i do get things in order, I don't think it would be wise to tell him face to face i am leaving but how do you write that in a note? Should i leave town for a few days? How can a arrange child care etc. with him, without him going off the deep end? There is so much to think about and any advice would be heaven sent!!!

Oh, sweet girl, welcome.
I just want to hug you tight.
CL-Blueliner4
Yes, be concerned about "setting him off", do this all behind his back - he sounds dangerous. Call the dv hotline, they can provide you with information on a local group that will help you.
Come here, post questions, vent, comments, thoughts - you will find a fantastic group of supportive people.
It is time for you to take care of yourself and your little one, you certainly don't want to end up in your parents situation and you don't want your baby to grow up in that atmosphere.
Take care of YOU!
ples
My story is somewhat similar to yours. I moved in with my boyfriend of only nine months when I was your age. I was in no way ready to live with him, but my stepfather was very abusive and I wanted more than *anything* to get out of that situation. So, I moved in with him and married him a little over two years later. That was the worst mistake I ever made. It was like jumping out of the pot and into the fire. He was emotionally, psychologically, and sometimes even physically abusive to the point where I was miserable and cried almost constantly. I couldn't eat or sleep. I finally realized that *I* was not the problem . . . *he* was. I've been out for about eight months now, and my divorce was final on March 24 of this year. I'm living proof that it *can* be done!!! :o)
You need to get yourself and your son to safety as soon as possible. Your H sounds like he's very unpredictable and tends to be violent. If I were you, I would wait until he goes to work. Make sure everything looks "normal" to him, just like any other day. When he leaves, pack as much as you can *quickly* and take your son and go *straight to the police*!!! They will help you, I promise.
Please be careful, please get out of there, and please keep posting -- we're going to be worried about you!!!
Love & Hugs,
Emm
RUN to your nearest shelter or call when it's safe! Take the baby and get out, whatever it takes-if your friend can drive you, even better. Tell NO ONE where you are until you can talk to a counselor about what steps you need to take. They can provide food, shelter, clothing, counseling, legal advise, child care, and even job training. (GED help if you need it.)If you can, take legal papers, birth and shot records, social security cards, and family photos. Most everything else can be replaced.
I took off with a change of clothes, diapers and both of my boys. It was hard, but it was a heck of a lot better than living with him and walking on eggshells, scared to say anything for fear he'd hurt me or the kids. I'm still going through the divorce process and we're close to ending this mightmare, but it's easier to deal with without him constantly controlling my life.
You're so young and have so much life to live ahead of you...the sooner you leave, the sooner you can create a new life without pain for you and your child! Please take care of yourself and be safe.
Karen