I'm Exhausted

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
I'm Exhausted
3
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 9:16am
Well, episode number 453 - I had been up 2 or 3 times Sunday night with out 3 y.o. dd who was having trouble sleeping, looking forward to getting a good night's rest last night, and won't you know he pulled his stupid stuff last night to get me upset right before bed - fighting with me. I'm so exhausted between doing stuff for him, my college student and dd that all he managed to do was start me crying where I couldn't quit, and of course not sleep. He has gotten up with dd very very few times since she's been born - to the point where he couldn't do it now because she won't have much to do with him - she clings to me. I asked him if he wanted a divorce, he said just say the word and he would be gone. I told him that was a pathetic sissy way of going about it - making me be the heavy so he could blame everything on me. My mother in law has renal failure, and is on dialysis - so that's stress on the family as it is, including us. She may live 10 more years, she may go tomorrow - and he's not handling it well. I'm sick of him blaming me for everything that goes wrong in his life - I'm blamed for his weight problem, if his job isn't going right, if our dd is acting up, etc. Nobody can withstand that kind of pressure indefinitely. He's leaving on a business trip for Phoenix today for 4 days, and I'm glad he'll be out of the way at least a few days where I can get some peace. He's like most abusers - he can be very nice, considerate, etc., other times he can be a real creep. I told him if he wants a divorce to get his stuff and get out - I've told him that several times. He'll eventually think about it and say he doesn't want to leave. He moved into my house - I'm not leaving it until it's sold..I probably sound like a jerk, but I can't help thinking after all the stuff I've done for him, and this is what I get back. Had my tubes retied so we could have the child he seemed to so desperately miss, helped him get out of a cruddy job into one in state government, he's driving a brand new $35,000 truck, we've bought him tractors, clothes, a pedigreed dog, gun safes, computers, etc. I was showing horses when I first met him, and totally loved it, but I've lost all that now I've just got 2 in the pasture and I'm lucky if I get to ride once a week..I can't help it I miss the excitement and comraderie of showing. He gets jealous when I buy my 18 y.o. son anytbing - and I have had to buy him alot - his dad is a deadbeat and doesn't pay for hardly anything. It's astounding seeing a 44 y.o. grown man be jealous of an 18 y.o. I'm really unhappy my life has come down to this again. I'm tired beyond belief because of the lack of sleep, can't hardly concentrate at work, etc. I deserve happiness, but it seems like some people just don't want to see that happen. One bright spot is I have a new baby kitten at home I'm nursing back to health - she was very malnourished last night, so I've brought her in to the bathroom, and me and dd are nursing her back to health. She's so sweet and tiny, and totally enjoys anything we do for her. Why can't people be more like animals???

I'm just venting on here. Not really anything anybody can do until I make up my own mind I'm absolutely totally sick of this. His ex wife was right - he is a dr. jekyll/mr. hyde. Nice one minute, then turns into a complete jackass the next. I know part of it is he didn't want to go on this trip - too bad, lots of people have to. Frankly I'm glad to see him have to do something he doesn't like for once because I certainly have had my share of it....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: chic45
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 1:39pm

Hi Chic…I think the biggest mistake you’re making is in still thinking of him and dealing with him as if he is a “normal” adult capable of “normal” adult thinking.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

- Maya Angelou

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: chic45
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 8:11pm

Hi Chic -


FYI, my dad had a kidney transplant at the end of August this year.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: chic45
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 9:16am
Thank you both. CL, I'm really sorry to hear about your dad - it's a terrible disease. My mother in law isn't healthy enough for a transplant, and my sister in law said she's doing the dialysis to stick around for her 2 grandkids - she knows without the dialysis she's gone, and it will be a painful death. She's a really sweet person, and I hate to see her in this shape, but she did it to herself. She's drank 6 to 10 cokes a day, and smoked at least 2 packs a day for god knows how long - and she's an RN! To top it off, she had the flu last Christmas, and didn't tell anybody and went 3 days throwing up, with diarrhea and without drinking so she shot her kidneys down to 10% functioning - and had a heart attack after that and nobody would have known except her grandson told on her - and her daughter's an RN too - and told her mom it was a heart attack.

My dh grew up with a dad who was, believe it or not, a domestic violence police detective, who came home every night and started screaming at his 3 kids and wife as soon as he came through the door - they didn't cut the grass right, didn't do this or that, and/or were just plain stupid dumba___es. He had god knows how many girlfriends - one who was on his boat with him (which he did not share with the family) when my dh, his siblings and mom drove down there one afternoon. DH said she just got back in the car and took the kids home. DH's mom made more money than their dad, but she had to give him her check every payday, and she had to borrow money from the kids for lunch. Why she stayed with him, I'll never know, except she must have thought it was best for the 3 kids. You can't undo that much damage done over years.....

DH is gone right now for 4 days on his business trip - he called me at 4 am their time, missing us. It's like any other abusive relationship - when it's good - you can't beat it. When it's bad, it's almost unbearable. I do know I have a breaking point, but never know exactly when it will be reached. DS is almost never home anyway, dd sticks with me. That's one thing I can give my kids to rely on - I'll never walk out on them because I know too well how that feels from my last dh. The last time I helped him I got so sick of it, and never shed a tear. His life definitely took a turn for the worse, but too bad he should have thought of that before he treated me like dirt!