Some Questions-Please Help
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| Tue, 11-09-2004 - 7:53pm |
My bf has really started acting better lately-I mean, he still has control issues (over the TV, or I feel like I constantly have to tell him what my plans are for the evening b/c I don't want to disappoint him)---not that telling him my plans is a bad thing, but I'm talking about how I still think he expects me to come up with dinner, etc for us---which is fine, but it shouldn't be expected. And he denies that he cares about that, he thinks of himself as "laid back"; yet if I am not home when he thinks because I'm out to dinner w/a friend or soemthing he gets mad b/c he claims he "waited for me" (but doesn't tell me that). Anyway, that is all babble.
But what I wonder is if he is really changing or not. I know over and over on this board everyone says that abusers don't change. But he is acting SO different lately, seeming to care more about me and my opinions etc. I feel that i am numb to it in a way. I am also seeing a therapist again (SOOOOOOOO expensive!) to try to work out why I've acted in ways that I don't like lately, and of course over my relationship.
The problem is that i seem to have developed a complete phobia of talking with my boyfriend about my feelings. I really want to express that I have doubts, but can't do it. There NEVER is a good time---either he is in a great mood that i don't want to ruin, or we are on a trip that I don't want to ruin, or we're watching a movie at night and I don't want to be up all night fighting, or a friend is over, etc etc etc. Its like i am COMPLETLEY frozen, yet incredibly panicked because I feel that he is going to take that next step. And I do love him and don't want to hurt him - and can't stop second guessing myself if I were to say something how wrong of a decision it might be. What do you do? And, back to my original question-is this a behavior pattern or is it something new?
Thank you....again....sorry if this does not read that clearly, I am in a rush to write this as I sit at work. I appreicate any responses!!!

Hi -
Two things:
Gut reaction is that he's after something, and that something is a ring on your finger to tie you down further and to keep you from getting away.
CL-Blueliner4
changing. hmmm.
sometimes the behavior or sudden "peace" inthe house is not really the indicator of change. check this out... helped me alot.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rldomesting&msg=23965.1