Concerns in the courts

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Concerns in the courts
3
Sun, 11-14-2004 - 2:58am
I would appreciate it if anyone could give me their experiences:

As I have written in another post, I am going to seek divorce as well as a protective order by the end of November. At that time I am going to remove myself and son from my house because of fears of retaliation. I have read some posts that frighten me about how an abusive spouse convinces the courts that he is the victim and even tries to take custody of the children. Is this a big threat? Are courts that oblivious to evidence of abuse? How much evidence do you need?

My problem is also rather unique in that I do not live in the US (I am a US citizen as is he). My spouse returned to the US temporarily with threats that he will only come back for a month or two then 'may just leave permanently'. I couldn't trust that those two months, if they were even guaranteed, would go by without incident and so I am taking action now. The country I am in and have been for the last 4 years says that they will follow US law but under the local country's court system. So I am thinking that things will proceed in a way similar to that in the US.

Should I be prepared for a serious fight where I will be accused of things I cannot even imagine now? Am I under threat of having my child taken away? I have horrible emails which he has written me at work, people he has verbally threatened, and at least 2 witnesses to his behavior towards myself and my son. My spouse has even been so kind as to write slanderous accusations about his work which he showed to a respected individual at work, and proposed to publish this. He has also written slanderous things about his work through email and sent it to various respected individuals. This he told me himself. I also have one doctor's report showing a broken rib which I attributed to an accident. The doctor refuses to report the incident in writing though, but was willing to verbally report it to the lawyer. Is this enough to assure a court that I am being truthful?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Sun, 11-14-2004 - 11:01am

Hello, hg and welcome back.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 11:45pm
Thanks so much for the advice. My attorney is specializing in abuse cases and so seemed to be completely familiar with what was going on. I am actually in Austria, and it appears that the laws against abuse are quite similar to the US. But then I know nothing about law. Regarding my spouse, I am certain that he is coming back. He only left for a temporary visit to his mother. Come December he has a return ticket back. After speaking with the counselor recommended by the attorney, I have come to the conclusion that I must leave before he returns. And to be fair, I must have a restraining order and divorce papers served before he leaves the US. Time is short and I am very anxious what his reaction will be. So far on the telephone he has started with the angry and abusive phase to the crying and 'please lets find a resolution' phase. The deciding factor for me was after a very tearful apology, he continued with 'but it is half your fault for everything you know, and I am not the one who needs help'. I guess I gave up. I am going away for 5 days, will continue posting after my return. Everyone here has been so very helpful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2004
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 8:02am
I asked my lawyer the same questions - can he accuse me of abuse toward him and children. Because he had threatened to call the police on me when I raised my voice with the kids for normal day-to-day getting them to brush, getting ready for bed etc. ANother time he had threatened me in front of the children that he would call the police. The children got really frightened. The lawyer told me that it would look really weak coming in response to an OFP I have filed. If he really wanted to accuse me of abuse he could have gone to the court first. Also, I have some evidence of his abuse (not as much as you and not any witnesses)and the past behavior when I got the OFP. So you may be ok, although it is prudent to plan, and looks like you are doing it.