sucked in again

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
sucked in again
5
Sat, 11-20-2004 - 8:15pm

He did it again. Last summer he claimed spots on his lungs showed on x-rays. On Monday he went to the doctor for test because his blood pressure is so high, can't get it regulated thru meds, can't breathe, spots on lungs. He really did go to the doctor and have test done. Monday night he's crying. Thinks he's going to die. Doesn't know the results yet. Tells me and DD we need to get along. He's not long for this world. Gives me $100 from his $900 bonus check. Tells me to keep the $100 I owe him when HE bashed my car and paid for the deductible (still claims he didn't do it). I decided not to get it fixed. Not worth it. Says he doesn't want to fight anymore. Says he's tired and doesn't feel good.

Next day...doctor calls...spots on lungs are scar tissue. Blood pressure will get regulated if he stops taking allergy meds. Gee, I knew he'd get back to his old self again. Because.....

This morning calls me telling me I should have taken my DD with me last night to a football celebration for the school. I didn't take her cause she treats me like dirt, is verbally abusive to me in public, and I didn't think she deserved to go. I told her that's why I wasn't taking her. Instead I let her have a friend over, bought them pizza, a DVD to watch. She was fine with that. He wasn't. Told me "what, you don't want your DD, you're no mother". Still claims I have a boyfriend. And now I'm sure he won't pay me back the $25 he said he'd pay for a sweatshirt for her. I said I would never spend money again unless I had the money up front. Nope, he sucked me in again, being Mr. Nice Guy. Says I'm selfish, only think of myself. Tells me (on the answering machine that my DD heard playing) to tell my DD about the lies I've been keeping about the boyfriend. Oh GOD I HAVE NO BOYFRIEND!!!! I hate him.

He's controlling the money situation because he makes so much, gives me so little, I make hardly anything. I won't fight him because I don't want to pay an attorney. I just want out. I want this to be over. Papers were filed in Sept. Six months they said if we were in agreement. I wasn't in agreement but I want out. I'll live on $250 a month support from him, while he clears his $2,000 every two weeks. We filed financial statements. People tell me the judge will make him pay what's in the computer for support. I made an attachment to the divorce papers that we agreed on $250. Some people say the judge won't care what I agreed on once he sees what he's making. I hate him.

Tonight I bought a recorder so I could tape the messages he left on my machine the night he abused me. I have a digital answering machine. I feel terrible about this. I feel like a sneak. I hate him. I didn't want to hate him.

Thanks for listening to me.

Happy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Sat, 11-20-2004 - 8:36pm

Hey Happy,

Maybe I am wrong, but I think that idiot knows exactly what he is doing. I was in the same situation. They will do things to keep you off balanced so you want to run away. He wants it all and he is manipulating you so you will sign the papers get out quick. Wendell tried the same tricks. So many times I wanted to quit and run. I didn't. I kept paying bills and listening to my attorney. You need to spend the $$ for a good attorney. As long as he knows that hook is in you, he will keep on going and pulling it.
Get to counseling and see what he is doing. Wendell did the medical routine about 10 years after we were married. First a heart attack, then a brain tumer...the list goes on. Don't listen to him and definitely don't let your daughter listen to him now it will only confuse her. He needs to go away in your mind. Whether you have a boyfriend or not is none of his dang business. Hope I am not being too harsh.

Hang in there

Terry

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Sun, 11-21-2004 - 12:24am

That's the point, Terry, I don't HAVE the money. I don't have the thousands of dollars it takes to hire an attorney. Right now I'm thinking of disconnecting my cable; I don't watch t.v. anyway. Only my DD watches it. I'm thinking about disconnecting the internet and just using it at work. I need to ask my boss if it's okay if I can go there in the evening to use it. I'm going to see if I can get some part-time job on Friday's and Saturday nights and Sunday days. It will bring me extra money and, plus, it will keep me busy.

The idiot called tonight to see if I took any Christmas decorations. And idiot me answered the phone. I wasn't very cordial. I told him "no, I don't have any Christmas decorations and I didn't even have Halloween decorations." He wondered why I was being so "mean". I told him "you accuse me of having a boyfriend, that I don't want my DD and you expect me to be friendly!" I left him everything and I could just SCREAM!! I'm taking DD there tomorrow, and I'm telling him I want some glasses. Isn't that pitiful! I have 5 stupid little glasses in my cupboard, and he has dozens. And I want the other pots to go with my set.

Yes, he knows what he's doing. He got all the ins and outs from all his cronies he works with that have been there and done that and they're paying out the wazzoo.

I cryed most of the evening. Today was an anniversary for you. Well, today was somewhat of an anniversary for me. It was eight years ago that the only man who ever loved me for me, that I didn't have to please, passed away. That was my dad. I miss him terribly. I wish he was here. I miss the love I had from him. The unconditional love. I just feel so ugly right now.

I guess I'll go to church tomorrow and keep praying. God isn't answering my prayers though and I'm about to give up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Sun, 11-21-2004 - 8:28am

Happy, please don't give up on God.

Mama Harmony

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Sun, 11-21-2004 - 8:55am

I know...God's answered many of my prayers, from my job to my DD's school. I've always asked Him to guide me me, lead the way, and He has. Lately, though, I just feel like I'm stuck in traffic somewhere, not going any place. Maybe he is there but I don't want to see it. You have some awesome stories of faith.

I'll keep praying; I won't give up. His guidance brought me where I am today. I just have to have patience and hope. I'm going to go get ready for church. Thank you.

Happy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Sun, 11-21-2004 - 9:37am

I'm getting a message for you.

Mama Harmony