Drunk again and Xmas decorations
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| Mon, 11-22-2004 - 10:41am |
Well, yesterday my DD was suppose to go with her dad and spend the week with him. He new this. After he blasted me Saturday morning with his accusations of me and a boyfriend, me not wanting my DD, he calls Saturday night (real nice) wanting to know if I took Xmas decorations. I wasn't cordial, told him I hadn't taken any Xmas decorations, so on so forth. Told him I was dropping DD off on Sunday for her to be with him the week. He said call first.
Ok, so we call yesterday. No answer. Figured he's putting up Xmas lights. Take DD there at 1:30. House is locked, used key from garage. House is partly decorated for Xmas, tree is up (with my Grandmother's ornaments that I wanted that he told me I could have), DD is excited. I leave. 3:00 DD calls worried, no dad yet. 6:00 DD calls, still no dad. I go up there to get her cause she's afraid he'll come home drunk. When I pick her up, she has Xmas C.D.'s playing, she had decorated the house a little more, she was excited yet disappointed because no dad yet. Wanted me to stay and wait. I said no and took her to my place. He calls 8:00, drunk. Wants to known how I got in the house (which is still mine, damn it!) Goes raging on about me decorating the house. I told him "no, I didn't do it, your DD did." Accuses me again of having "company".
My point is he knew DD was coming up. I felt so bad for her. Do I lower myself to his level and tell him how he disappointed his DD; how he's making her life miserable, though he always blames it on me!?! I just felt so bad for her. I can still remember the parenting counselor telling the group "the children will figure out in time what jerks they are".
And onto the Xmas decorations...I have none. Didn't take any...my stupidity. He says I can't take anything because everything needs to be the same for DD's sake. I can't afford to buy any new. I asked DD last night if she would mind if I took the one tree that was in the kitchen that had the gingerbread ornaments that I made on it. She said she still wanted it in the kitchen and for me to go buy one. That's fine. But the other point is, there are more decorations up there than imaginable. I shouldn't have to buy anything! How can I handle this without DD getting upset. I want MY families heirlooms.
How do I tell him how disappointed his DD was in him? She's going to counseling today, thank goodness. My sister-in-law told me I need to go back to counseling unless I grow some balls and tell me I want MY stuff! She said I'm not showing my DD that I can be strong. Yesterday I kept making excuses for him AGAIN! I told her that he's probably drunk cause Xmas decorating is hard for him. She said "there you go again, making excuses for him....if he loved me and thought of me, he wouldn't have gone out drinking." She has more sense than me sometimes.
Help,
Happy

First off, you are entitled to your family heirloom ornaments.
Thanks, Tracy. Yes, I am writing all of this down. I WILL get half of the ornaments when all of this is over, and there is plenty for every friggin holiday. As far as this year goes, I'll make do. It's just the point, but why would I expect him to be nice! If he was nice, I would have never left him.
Thanks!
Happy
Do you find now, that you are not living with it every day, that the absolutely irrationally obstructive and mean behavior is just so much more bewildering? Every time I talk to my STBX nowadays, I am just blown away by how he can be mean and mad about absolutely nothing.
MG