Reading Into Things?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Reading Into Things?
3
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 2:05pm

Hi-

I am just wondering if this means anything or not. Last night my bf and I were watching a movie where the woman character was severely abused by her H. One scene the woman (who is in the hospital) is talking to her lawyer about how "he won't let her leave or get a divorce"----the lawyer asked why----and she said "because he'll kill me." My bf commented and said "I can't believe that, she's not leaving him??? What does she mean "he'll kill her"?"

Basically, he was watching that movie as if he didn't actually believe that could happen-that a man could control a woman in that way, that she couldn't leave. As I've said before, my bf has never raised a hand to me, but after posting and reading on these boards of course I've learned you can never be positive that he won't. What do you think was going on in his head-do you think he genuinely has no idea that that kind of stuff can happen? That the women are stupid for staying w/abusive spouses? I just thought it was interesting that he seemed dumbfounded-and I told him he'd be surprised about how common that situation is and he seemed surprised (that was the extent of the conversation).

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 9:40pm
It's because abusers have a sense of entitlement. If they hear about another guy physically abusing his girlfriend or even the other types of abuse, they can see very easily why that guy is in the wrong. But when it comes to them, they have all these good reasons why they do what they do, such as if only she would do this and this or stop doing this, I wouldn't have to act like that. Thus taking the blame off himself completely in his mind.
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sun, 11-28-2004 - 2:43pm
They really do not see or believe they are doing or saying anything wrong.
It isn't their fault all the blame is put on the other person.
Sara I commend you for staying by your partner and wanting and hoping he will change.
He scares me though. And I remember making excuses. There is no excuse though. Just be sure to take of yourself. I am not telling you to get out it is your decision but have you read your post.
Take the time to read it.
It will make a difference.
I am thinking about you and hoping you are okay.
nightangel
Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 10:25am

hi-

I am not sure if that response was meant for me or not-I am not sara? Just thought you might want to know if you wanted to re-post.