Update and money issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Update and money issues
2
Sun, 11-28-2004 - 1:31am

I am back again after another short trip. Next week I am planning my getaway (it all seems unreal at the moment). My spouse is still planning on returning the following week and my lawyer has asked me to tell him over the phone about filing for a divorce while taping the conversation. My guess is that he will flip. I am very scared about the whole thing and still keep asking myself if it is the right thing to do. I also keep wondering when I will be able to return to my wonderful little home without fear of him coming after me.

Money issues-
Let me express my awe at what I have found while digging through financial records this weekend. I make decent money but no fantastic amount. I can live off of it just fine. He worked for two years up till this month making the same amount. However, every month for two years (and before but that is another story) he complained that we were going bankrupt, were negative on our account, and I was spending far too much money. I still hear his words grating through my head 'you can't live without me on your puny pay'. I looked through the records for the last two years. I almost choked at what I saw going through our account. FIVE TIMES my pay check for several months throughout the period was getting deposited in the account. I'm thinking, when I show this to the lawyer she is going to probably bust up laughing. Bankrupt?! Where the h&%% did the money go?! It was quickly transfered to another location leaving less than my base pay check in the account to pay ALL of the monthly bills. Where did the money come from? I am ashamed to say, because I was so stupid to not keep track, but most of it came from my job. I get extra money for certain work, on top of my normal pay. This isn't all the time but happens enough to make a difference. I never checked to see how much I was making extra though. I guess it was quite alot at least a few months out of the year. And I never saw it. I really thought we were on tight money though. And to think I neglected to buy myself new shoes because I thought we didn't have the money. I have no idea where the money is now but both my mother and myself have heard him comment on the phone late at night to somebody about how much he has.

The phone call-
This guy had the nerve to call me up and demand where some of the account charges were coming from. He hasn't been putting any of his money into the account anymore. It is only my pay check now. When I told him it was a phone bill on his cell phone that he ran up to over $400, he said quite hautily 'I guess I will pay it then'. As if he should have a choice. He also asked if I was still trading in my car for a new one. I told him I didn't make up my mind yet. He actually had the nerve to say he was so kind because he was 'buying the car' FOR ME. Please keep in mind that the car would be paid for with a loan which was paid using my pay check. He pays nothing. He actually had a fit about a charge I made on MY VISA card which is only in my name. I used it to pay for work related expenses. I am reimbursed for it and he knows that. After demanding to know what it was, he said hautily again 'I guess I will pay that too', knowing that he is going to move the money from my pay check to the card to pay it off. I guess I don't have any money myself. Or at least he tries to convince me that I have nothing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2004
Sun, 11-28-2004 - 8:12am

Dear Hglucky,

Beter late than never. Create separate bank account secretely. Do not let your h. discover that and if necessary resort to elaborate stories to make him pay for everything without scuples at least to cover the debts he has with you. The reason why there are gaps in his payments is possibly that he has a separate account himself. I was astounded to listen to guys talking in the pub about creating such accounts "just in case things do not work out" a few weeks prior to the wedding. Also try to avoid any confrontation in this way you are surely going to save on solicitors and attorneys. If you have children try to speak to his heart that you should b really saving for the children rather than waisting the money on such sharks. Solicitors can make you feel they are supporting you emotionally where in fact they pretend to do that for their own gain and business. I went through a few divorces of my parents including one that is still unresolved and thats the best advice i can offer. You just have to walk on eggshells for a little bit longer but it will pay off. How long is it in your country. If you both sign the application it takes 6 months in US does'nt it?

Take care

Adriana

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Sun, 11-28-2004 - 11:47am
Around the time when I filed for divorce I discovered some financial things too. I found out he had around $10,000 in credit cards in which I did not know about. I found out he had been giving money and material things to other women. This actually upset me more than when I found out he was cheating on me, to know I was paying most of the bills while he was spending the household money on his girlfriends.