Does anyone think this is feasible?
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 12-21-2004 - 9:33pm |
Or am i just nutz.
I did call the police station to ask if restraining orders were in the newspaper, they arent unless there is an arresst involved. But my H is up for a LONG awaited fire fighter job in our town, & the police & firefighters are obvoiusly a close knit group - very small town where he grew up & EVERYONE knows him (& btw, thinks he is GREAT, of course). I dont want him to not get this job. Even though they arent suppossed to let that kind of info out, i am pretty sure it would get out. Fast.
1st off, for me financially, it will be SO much better than his sporadic working now. He cant support HIMSELF, never mind paying child support. For my daughters sake, i want him to have a good career. I also think, maybe in my crazy-warped mind, that if he finally has some self worth & self esteem, he will feel better about himself, therefore maybe not be so hostile & depressed - & will be a better father AND provider. Of course, maybe not too. Lord knows there are no gaurentees.
I cant figure out all the logistics w/o asking the atty about it (appt 10am Wed), but i would like to give him a CHANCE to choose the right path here. To leave voluntarily. I have SO much documentation, since 1997 of incidents, abuse, drunken episodes .... an audio tape & some other things, that i would THINK that when presented with all this "proof" - that he would POSSIBLY take the high road & leave willingly. I *think* i know him pretty well, he either will or he wont. I doubt he will "fake it" & then come back & murder me ... either way, i wont be alone until i am absolutely positive it is safe.
My idea is that maybe somehow i can arrange it w/ my atty, that i will leave town & call him - or maybe his brother who i am close to. I may leave w/ his brother the packet of evidence against him - or at least all the documentation of his abuse (copies obvioulsy) -so he can SEE what i have .... b/c i am sure he doesnt even come close to beleiveing how much there has been. & maybe somehow we can arrange a meeting b/w attorneys (he would have to get one fast) & my atty can present what it is we have, to his atty - who if his atty had any sense, would know he is screwed so just do what he needs to do - & if H wont leave willingly, then we will absolutely do a restraining order & file for divorce concurrently. & i will NOT hesitate to have him arressted if the need arises.
Anyone think this is feasible? Has anyone ever done it this way? Am i dreaming that it wont get horribly nasty? Truthfully, it will be WAY WAY WAY easier for me to do this if he DID get nasty. But on the small possibility that he is willing to go peacefully, & it can save his carreer, then i want to give him that opportunity.
Tell me if its just plain old stupid. I can take it.
Thanks, R~

Hmmm, i never thought about his doing that b4 me. Truthfully, i think if he realized that it was this far, he would be shocked. & i may be counting on too much, but if & when he realizes I am leaving him, he wouldnt push it even farther by really pissing me off & getting an OP. I dont THINK. But of course, all this will depend on what the lawyer suggessts. & as for the job thing - if he HAD the job already, that would be fine - but just finishing up the interviews & being #1 on the list to be hired, could cause major upheaval. I know its not my job to protect him - but as i said i feel like i want to give him the chace to go right - even if its a small chance that he will. It would be better all around for ALL of us, my dd & me included - i am coutning ont he fact that he will be devestated to lose us ... so maybe he will do his best to try to go along queitly, knowing he las lost me, but can save his current relationship w/ his dd AND keep his job opportunty.
(of course, this will all depend on what the lawyer says)
Thanks, R~
Rebecca, I am going to be very honest with you right now.
CL-Blueliner4
Thanks - i absolutely will take all this into account in making the decision. I see the lawyer in a couple of hours. & there is NO way i will tell him any of this is going on. All my paperwork & "evidence" of all this is locked up at work. I erase my history/cookies/temp files, everytime i get off line. & i have a PO box for any correspondence. & i would NEVER tell him w/o being away, & w/o a safety plan.
Will let you know how the meeting goes. Thanks