prison visit gone bad

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
prison visit gone bad
4
Fri, 12-24-2004 - 10:35pm

Feeling unrested tonight....I've been looking online for a support group for wives whose husband are in prison. And it made me sad that my husband and I can't have a penpal relationship or something.

I know, he's in jail for dv. And even on the prison support board there was an overwhelming opinion that the wife should leave the abusive husband in jail. Then I found this other site where it said people who get out of jail are angry, bitter and messed up, can't function in society. That kinda brought me down because I'm still hoping prison will finally be his bottom and then he'll choose to change.

Okay, so that may never happen. I have been thinking about divorce, lately. If he is convicted of a felony then I will have my grounds. I'll have time to get safe because the jail will keep him from continuing to abuse me mentally during the divorce process. I have had these thoughts too.

I'm actually fighting off the guilt from my last jail visit which was Dec4th. (before the bond hearing). I might have mentioned it and posters validated that he was continuing the cycle even behind bars. So it this guilt part of the cycle too. After the bond hearing I've had NO CONTACT. But I feel bad that I walked out on the visit. Most days I feel at peace with everything and I don't worry about tomorrow. I'm not sure why tonight I feel restless or something.

Well, part of it may be because I got some pictures developed and it reminds me that he wanted me to mail him pictures. But now that I am suppose to have no contact....hmmm. Would sending pictures be contact. What if I just sent the pictures with no letter.

And guess what, now I'm a little afraid that he will get a pen pal and find someone else. Why do I do this to myself. I guess I have to admit I'm afraid of what the future holds. But in the end, I know Jesus will get me threw this.

thanks for listening to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Sat, 12-25-2004 - 7:44am
I will pray for your strength sister. You are free. You have a leg up on so many women who are in our shoes. You are free. I hope that you will not support him and will not go back to him. I hope that God blesses you financially such that you are able to move from your home and relocate to a place he will never be able to find. I'm not sure if you have children and if that is even realistic for you but I hope that it is. I wish i was so lucky. I'm still in the struggle, still suffering and I just thank God that you are free. You deserve to be loved and charished, NEVER ABUSED. We should love one another the way God loves us. And abusive man is not love, it's not God's love and he is not capable of that love. I suppose you worry about him being with someone else because you are still in love with him. You still feel this loyality to him that HE DOESN'T DESERVE. I doubt he will get any help while in jail. He will come home with the same abusive mentality. Don't be there when he gets there please. He needs help, prison is not going to help. He needs counseling and maybe even medication. But he should not be your concern. File for the divorce the minute you have grounds. See it through all the way and the heck with this guy. Then you go get some help so that you won't take this baggage with you into your next relationship. Get counseling so that you are able to recognize the signs of abusive men and you won't repeat this pattern. I know I will. I'm praying for you. God bless and merry Christmas!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Mon, 12-27-2004 - 12:26am
Sending pictures is contact.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 12-27-2004 - 12:48pm

Loony, if there is any kind of OP or RO in place, ANY contact (written, verbal, in person or third party) is considered contact and a violation.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Mon, 12-27-2004 - 1:04pm
AMEN!!!!