Calling police will make it worse

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Calling police will make it worse
18
Sat, 12-25-2004 - 7:34am
What do you do when calling the police to remove him will only make it worse once he gets out of jail? When you will have all his friends looking for you if you did call? And when you really have nowhere to go even if you could get him out the house? I keep praying and praying that he will leave. I know about abused women shelters and places like that but I have 4 dogs, pit bulls, and he's threatened to kill them if I ever left. He's already stabbed one of them. He'll call me on the phone on days I have the strength to say oh well I’m out of here and let me here him beating on them. Some might say they are just dogs but to me they are my children. We don't have any children but my dogs are my love. They are abused too. Whenever he is around the pull their ears back and put their tails between their legs and run like heck into their cages. My oldest dog (who I had before we started dating and he doesn't like because I got her with my ex) just starts crying whenever she walks by him. She gets it the worst because he knows I love her the most. He treats her like someone would treat a child they don't like because it's by someone else. He stabbed my oldest male dog because he pee'd in his cage while he was standing there because he was nervous about being beaten. We still sleep in the same bed together on nights when he doesn't fall asleep in the basement. The night before last my scarf fell off in my sleep. He was trying to be nice and put in back on my head but I woke up screaming because I thought he was trying to choke me. I'm so messed up. With good reason. I just don't know what to do but pray. Everyone says call the cops and let them deal with it, even his mother. But I know that if I do he'll get out on bail and even if I change the locks he will sit out side until he sees me. Hide around a corner until I open the door, force himself back into the house and that will be the last anyone here's from me. I am not dealing with a man who respects the law by any circumstances. I don't know how it came to this. I mean I do know, I didn't leave when I had the chance because I thought I could help him change. I realize now that I can't help him or anyone change. He likes who he is. He brags to his friends about having me in check and putting me in my place and tells them that if a female gets out of line this is how you treat them. His friends humor him of course. One guy stands up to him (his best friend) and tells him it's not right but he doesn't listen. Whenever his BestF is around and we are fighting (which is me running and him swinging) he always tries to stop him and calm him down but not even his friend can calm him. I thought being with an aggressive man would mean he would protect me, we don't live in the best neighborhood, but now I realize that he is beyond aggressive and down right abusive through and through. If my father found out, he would kill him and go to jail and I don't ever want that. My mother would not be able to survive without her husband and I wouldn't be able to live knowing my bad decisions landed my father in jail, although he'd be happy to do it. My mother would never forgive me. Never. She's just like that. I could go stay with a girlfriend but most of them have apartments and the one girl who has a house, her husband doesn't like dogs. So I couldn't bring one dog to her house let alone 4. I'm just going to keep praying and all of you out there who believe in the power of prayer please do the same for me. Pray that I am delivered from my situation and that this boy (he's hardly a man) is removed from my life forever. I feel like I'm enslaved. Sorry to dump this on Christmas but since this is the most sacred holiday I figured maybe a miracle would happen for me. That would be the best gift EVER.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Sat, 12-25-2004 - 8:39am
Honey, I am so sorry that you are in the situation that you are in. Nobody in this world deserves to be treated like that. Can you go live with your parernts for awhile and take your dogs with you? Any man who harms an animal is a horrible bas##rd and needs to be locked up! What about a restraining order, can you do that? Let me know, I am here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Sat, 12-25-2004 - 11:25am
Thank you. I would have to admit the problem to my parents first which I haven't. The house is in my name and there is NO WAY they would allow me to be put out of my own house. Thus, the confrontation begins. I would hate for that to happen. I could get a restraining order and I even told him I would but he just said "I don't give a sh** about a restraining order!" I don't think that would stop him espically if I called the police. My parents would have welcomed my dogs and me happily but since the house is in my name they would never allow it. There was one time when I told my mother we were arguing and I just wanted to get away so I left she was like why do you have to leave your house throw that MF'r out. But he will not leave. He feels like that is his house and if anyone should leave it should be me. I can't stress enough how it's my house and his name isn't on a flyer in the house let alone the mortgage payment or ANY BILLS. They are all in my name. I can't believe the nerve of this frikin jerk. This morning I was crying and sad but now I'm angry. He doesn't do anything for me or for my house. He doesn't work right now, he lost his job. His car is broken so he can't really find anywork because nothing is really on a bus line. I've even been looking for him. So he's home all day with my dogs and will not let them out of the cage. My puppy chewed a whole thru our fence outside and now it's big enough for all my dogs to fit thru. I can't afford to get it fixed, plus it's cold out so I don't let them out in the yard unless we (I) can watch them. He will not let them out, won't feed them and sometimes I get home from work late and that is just miserable for them. He says "I don't care about those dogs they are your dogs." But two of them were his idea. His aunt told me that he was talking to her about getting his own place when he got his money together. That's why I'm hoping he will leave and he is just using the house because he doesn't have anywhere else to go. He is such a jerk when I say why don't you just leave you know you are unhappy and you are making me unhappy he'll say "I'd rather stay here and make your life miserable" or "you not going to be living the good life in my house, having men come over and i'm going to be miserable" He is sick and really needs to be locked in a padded room some where being examed. Can you believe we have been friends for 10 years! I never knew he was like this but you can never truly know a person until you have become initimate with them. He really pulled the wool over my eyes for 10 years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Sat, 12-25-2004 - 12:59pm
He sounds like one messed up SOB. I am so sorry that things are this horrible. Have you tried to call your local domestic hotline, they can give you advice on legal and financial stuff. I know this is probably not helping, but I think that you need to talk to your parents and really close friends and see what they can do. You won't and shouldnt have to go through this alone. this man is freakin nuts and sounds like he is capable of doing alot of harm to you and your"babies". I know that you dont want to leave your house, but in all honesty, it might be the safest thing you can do right now till you can get all of this squared away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Sat, 12-25-2004 - 2:21pm
I just have to say, that it angers me to the very core, that someone does that to an animal. Have you taked your dogs to the vet to have the stabs wounds looked at? I am sorry, but there is NO EXCUSE for him to do that to your dogs. I too, am an animal lover and have dogs of my own and as a member of the ASPCA, it beyond angers me that he is abusing your animals. And its even worse that he calls and lets you listen to him torture your animals. He is abusing you AND he is abusing your pets. The longer it goes unreported, the worse it will get. Law enforcement will not be able to help if goes unreported. What that man has done to you and your pets has really angered me and there is no excuse for it whatsoever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Sun, 12-26-2004 - 2:21pm
I understand that the police should be contacted but I already know it will be trouble when he gets out of jail. Yes eventually he will be in prison with a prison sentence but until then my life is in SERIOUS danger. So I just have to play it cool. I have to wait until the time is right. He has been out the house since Christmas Eve night and he hasn't called me at all. He did send me a text message saying Merry Christmas but I responded saying f*** u. Which probably was so stupid but I couldn't pretend like I wanted him to have a merry Christmas. I want him to have a miserable everything. I just know that if I call the police and have him arrested he will get out on bail, and come back to hurt me badly or even kill me. I just know it, he's already said it. And whenever someone knocks on the door unexpectedly he assumes it is the police and I called them. He gets all crazy like "YOU CALLED THE POLICE ON ME" With these big crazy eyes it's very scary. Our neighbors call the police when they here us yelling or rather me yelling so now it's my fault because I'm yelling loud on purpose so they can call which to be honest I am. I don't know what to do but if I leave, my dogs will get the tail end just so that he can hurt me. Some might say they are just dogs save yourself but I can't sacrifice my dogs who have never done anything but to protect me from him so that I can be free when I brought them into this situation. I just can't abandon them. They are so sad when I am not home. He even admitted that. I just can't leave them. I love them too much. I'm just waiting for him to get his self together and leave the house. But he said the other night, if I had money you wouldn't be treating me like this. He thinks the problem is money and maybe it is a small portion of the problem but the real problem is HE IS ABUSIVE and I don't respect him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-26-2004 - 10:17pm
I adore my dog as much (almost!) as much as i do my dd - but i wouldnt NOT let them keep me in a situation where i was (& THEY were) being totured on a daily basis. Have you contacted a humane society or a local animal shelter? I bet there is somehow that you can board them for a small fee, or put them in foster care, so YOU can get out & get safe & settled - then get them back. & at the last resort, & i KNOW how this would break your heart - you may have to give them up - if it means saving your own life ... & THEIRS too. Its not fair to them that you keep them hostage with you. I know, i know, i KNOW, they are most likely your lifeline & your love- but Honey, it sounds as if you need to get yourself, far far away from this maniac. Please take care of yourself 1st R~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Mon, 12-27-2004 - 12:22am
I don't know what state you live in of course, but I've heard in some states if you live together long enough then you are considered common law married, and then everything you own becomes joint property-then you'd have to either buy him out or sell the house and give him half the profit. If I was you, I'd take the dogs and go somethere he couldn't find me, and serve a restraining order on him to get him out of your house.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 12-27-2004 - 2:16pm

There are several things you can do.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 12:35pm
My heart goes out to you. I will pray hard that you can get out of this relationship safely. I think the idea about talking to the vet to see what they can do for your dogs is a great idea. This guy needs to be put in jail and for a long time. And I hope when he is, that he's miserable. You have my prayers. Please stay here for support and let us help you and encourage you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 12:01pm
Thank you CL. I am hear because I need the advice and I need to hear the truth and I know that everyone here can either relate or empathize and give me the advice I need. I truly appreciate your advice. And I will take it when I think the time is right. He will be going out of town over the weekend and that will be the perfect time to excute my plan of action. He's not the type to just snap for no reason. We are usually arguing about him cheating or him not contributing so I'll do my part and leave those topics alone so I can stay safe in the meantime and the moment he hits the highway my dogs and I will make our escape. thanks again for the tips and giving me the strength to do what I have to do.

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