Why is it that.....
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Why is it that.....
| Thu, 12-30-2004 - 7:33am |
do you ever wonder why the nicest guys on the surface to everyone else is the cruelest underneath to us? Is it a Jekyl/Hyde kind of thing? Or is it that they are so good at hiding and put on a big show for outsiders? and, why do they all play the victim and think they have never done anything wrong? And that everyone should feel sorry for them?

They're good at hiding! As I always say, "nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors." I had one of those "hiders". When I left people were in shock. "He's such a nice guy, what happened, do you have a boyfriend, he didn't beat you so what's the problem." All of these questions I came across from dealing with people. People are so judgmental. Until you walk in that persons shoes, you cannot walk so to speak. I have found that my true friends did not judge me. Others, I don't need. And the people of this small town can talk all they want. I will hold my head up high, and if they want to judge, I don't need them. I know what I lived with. Funny, I was talking to my one friend who had gotten divorced. Her husband was "such a nice guy". Then we're talking and she said "Lou seems so nice". I said "yeah, your ex seemed nice too". Then we both laughed and realized that's what they portray on the outside.
I unfortunately was one of these people once. I passed judgment on my sister-in-law when she left my brother. Now I understand why. I've seen many marriages fail when on the outside they looked so happy. I would think "ummmm, must have been her or must have been him". Bottom line, I will NEVER pass judgment again. NOBODY knows what goes on behind closed doors....nobody. Nobody lives our lives for us.
My mother was shocked when I told her little by little how I lived the past 26 years. She would have never known. I kept it hidden because I thought that's the way it was suppose to be. Now I tell her these things and she can't believe I stayed married.
And abusers always play the victim. They pass blame, they try to pass guilt.
You are not to blame. Do not feel one bit of guilt. YOU ARE THE VICTIM.
Happy
Hiya -
Part of this is that abusers have a serious problem with taking responsibility for their own actions.
CL-Blueliner4
I used the physical abuse as an extreme example of how far their thought pattern can go.
My XH is also a verbal/emotional abuser, so I totally understand how it goes.
CL-Blueliner4