Just a question................

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Just a question................
2
Sat, 01-01-2005 - 8:30am
Why is it that when you feel like you have your head screwed on straight(for once) and know that you want to leave the chaos, they always screw up your thoughts and make you second guess everything? Either by making you feel guilty or by saying all the right things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Sat, 01-01-2005 - 11:41am

Because men are crazy, selfish, pigs! LOL Ahem, no in all seriousness, the men I have been with have all been abusive, but I do have friends that have wonderful men, so there is hope!

Back to your question: I think that is their thought process... their security. They are controlling. Sometimes they will try to be nice, and ya feel bad and hope it will work.... If their "niceness" doesn't work then the guilt kicks in.... not necessarily in that order. Sometimes it's the guilt first, followed by the niceness.

They panic if they know that you may want to leave. When they are contolling that's where they will try anything to get you to stay, or feel bad.

I hope that made sense, I didn't get enough sleep last night.

Hugs, Michelle

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Sat, 01-01-2005 - 12:01pm
I understand what you mean. The thing is those are just words. Actions have spoken and will speak louder. It all sounds good but can he deliver? That's what I'm asking myself right now as he has said all the right things and claims he is going to really try and control himself. I told him something that I think he never heard before, "You have every right to be angry and to get angry, what you don't have the right to do his hit me because of it" He controls how he responds to his anger. He is working finding better ways to respond to his anger. So far so good. But again it is a desructive cycle. So only time will tell if he falls back into that abusive mode because it's familiar and at this point easy to do.