Opinions, please
Find a Conversation
Opinions, please
| Mon, 01-03-2005 - 7:24pm |
I have been asking advice here for awhile about my husbands who rund his mouth and calls me names and puts me down. He has been gone for 4 months and due back in 1 week. God, help me! I have had enough and want to get out. But my question is, do you tell them where you get all your advice from? He says that i having talking and acting different and wants to know who I have been talking to. the fact,is that I have been growing stronger since he left and he does not like it and doesnt like the independance that i found. He now says that i am self righteous and selfish for wanting to do this. Just a question, i dont think that i will tell him, this is my only sanctuary, just wanted to know what you all thought. Thanks

Hi hon -
I wouldn't tell him a dang thing.
CL-Blueliner4
I read your post today and wish I had taken the advice of what the other girls had said my H did the exact same thing kept asking me who was telling me all this stuff (stuff meaning me sticking up for myself!) because in their sick and twisted minds they believe that we couldn't possibly not want to be with them so we must be getting these ideas from somewhere else, they control or at least think that they control us so therefore if its not an opinion of theirs then it must be someone else's. They think that they are so great or least my H does! I made the mistake of telling him that I was posting on a internet site for DV and he was fine at first (don't worry my H hates computers so he wouldn't even know where to start to try and find me on here! plus I have covered my tracks)
then he started to bring it up, what are you doing now are you gonna go tell lies about me to your little friends on the internet, you are hearing all of their stories of way worse things that what i do and blaming me blah blah etc etc
He is so insecure its not funny, I am unfront and honest with him all the time to the point of telling him all and I mean all of my thoughts and it does me no good because no matter how much I tell him even if it not what he wants to hear he still accuses me of hiding things from him and that I am a liar etc. I bought a new diary for this year and he saw it so now I don't even want to write in it because I know he will read it. Over the last few months he has gone through my things a few times, he found a letter that I hide inside my bedside table and yes I was hiding it (you had to pull out the draw to find it) and it was just a letter saying all the same things I had said to his face nothing new to him and he went bolistic, he ripped it up into pieces and threw it at me. I don't write what I truly want to say unless its here where he can't see it. Sorry for the ramble I so angry and have all of these feelings pouring out me!
M
Yeah, my B/F used to pull that crap with me, asking me why if being around a bunch of feminist all day at work was turning me against him. Then he would have the nerve to look through my personal journal, that I kept out of site most of the time, but one time I left it on the dresser. He has gone through my emails, not sure hw he figured out the passwords, and would log into my yahoo im and started going though the anmes and stuff. That was one of the times he accused me of having cyber affairs (which I never did) and real life affairs with some guy friends from school. Never did either one, I am not big on the whole cheating thing, but sometime I have an active imagination and would write about fantasies in my journal. He thought they were real, even if I had said right inthere it was a dream. OR I wish. We had a big fight on personal property and that he was invading my space, and he of course blamshifted and told me if I would talk to him about things and stop sneaking around that he would nto have to search through my things.
So jsut to get him back I went on to his computer on day and pulled up his email names and logged into all of them, he is dumd he uses the smae password on everything, and left them all open. So that when he came home and took the computer off screen saver he saw all of his stuff open. He was livid. And I said well I guess if you ahve nothing to hide then you should nto be mad either right? He stopped talking to me but continued to try to snoop into my things to I changed all of my passords and set my computer to erase the history when I log off the internet, and to erase the cookies too. He can't find anything now. IT frustrates him and he will walk up behind me if I am in the kitchen to look over my shoulder to see if I am writing to someone about him. I usually just close out everything when I hear him walking out here, and he gets all mad and is like what I just heard you typing, don't want me to see your internet boyfriend!
I just laugh and say nope.... Sometimes I think I just get a kick out of making him mad. Because I am to a point that his names and crap don't hurt me anymore I know he is just a little 6 year old in the inside and has to act like the big man of the house to feel special, so now I just chide him, and blow him off with snide comments. What is even funnier is when he is in he nice phase he actually asks what is wrong, and if I am mad at him. Wow! How can one person live in such a fantasy world?
Sweetie goodluck to you if you have the courage to leave him. I think I am having to much fun at this point playing with my narcissist to leave just yet, along with the fact that I have only 1 more semester after this one and I will be a certified massage therapist and I will be fully able to support myself and my kids.