Abuser attempted suicide- help!
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| Wed, 01-05-2005 - 1:48am |
I posted this on the domestic abuse support forum also, before I found this one.
Help please!!!! My husband has been abusive for the past year, but only physically abusive once. He choked me several times one night and I left the next morning. I'm in another state, and can't get a restraining order from my state or his state until he comes where I am or I go back for my car/clothes/etc. He's been harassing me daily since I left right before christmas, he keeps apologizing - but he's still making threats to destroy everything I own and to "make a road trip" to where I am and threatened to kill himself if I didn't "come home". He's active duty military and his command knows about everything, but they couldn't force him to get a psych evaluation if he told them he wouldn't kill himself. Last night he slit his wrists and called me this morning from the hospital. I don't know what to do!!! I feel so bad, like it is somehow my fault; but then I also feel angry at him because I think he might just be trying to get me to come back. He required less than 15 stitches on each arm. I think that means he cut "across" and not the long way (which I think shows that it's more of a cry for attention/help than an actual attempt to end his life, plus he called the ambulance himself). Anyone else been in this situation or know of any resources? Please help!

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Unfotunately, this is a very common and classic line that abusers use to 'suck you in'.
My ex-husband tried this one also. Oddly enough, he was military also. When he tried the "I'll kill myself if you leave, I love you so much, I can't live without you. I'll commit suicide" thing on me, I had had enough at that time. So I told him "That's your choice. But for God's sake, please don't make it messy; I would like to get my deposit back on the apartment." To which he looked completely dumbfounded and said that I would miss him when he was gone. I then told him, "No, I won't, but I'm sure the money from insurance/military/etc will help comfort me; hell, I'll be able to pay off the debt you racked up". This left him completely flat-footed and not sure what to say or do, since I wasn't playing his "game" anymore.
I am not recommending this type of response by any means. But it is NOT YOUR FAULT, NOR IS IT YOUR RESPONSIBLITY. He is an adult and responsible for his own actions. You are not his mother, nor did you take him to raise. I would think that now that an attempt has been made, his commander/military doctors/chaplain can (and should) now get involved. You might try to contact one of them (my bet would be on the chaplain or commander)and let them know that you are concerned about your husband's actions and that he needs to be evaluated psychologically. Just my humble opinion.
From Go-Quiz.com
Grrrr...I hate to think which carrier he's on.
CL-Blueliner4
If he is calling that often, call the police and inform them that you are being harrassed via phone and ask them to get your phone records.
CL-Blueliner4
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