I'm moving today - scared to death!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
I'm moving today - scared to death!
6
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 10:57am

I've been planning this for so long that now that the day has arrived, I don't think I anticipated that I would suddenly feel extremely sad!!! Why now??

I keep thinking about all the horrible things he did and that keeps me focused on getting out, but I still feel this deep sense of sadness and I feel like crying - almost like I'll miss him, but there is absolutely NOTHING to miss about him.

I'm also worried about my cat. I love my cat, but my husband is very attached to my cat and my cat has a wonderful yard to play in. I feel terrible that I'm going to take him to a small yard, then I feel terrible about leaving my cat.

I'm going to miss the stupid ferry (we live on an island) and all the water.

Would someone please tell me that they went through this too?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 11:25am
It can be a scary experience leaving an abusive relationship.
5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 12:38pm

Although my situation is a little different from yours, I was terrified of being 'alone.' At first I felt lost. I missed him, I missed being part of a couple, and I didn't know who 'I' was. Now I am so glad to be free of him. To be able to just be 'me', to no longer live my life walking on eggshells. I'm a different person now and I like who I am. If I were still with him, I wouldn't be able to say that.

If it were me... I'd take the cat.

-sang

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2001
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 1:04pm

We all have and many are still going through what you are. Just know that you are not alone because you have us and
please take the cat because the cat needs you as much as you need the cat and the cat doesn't need a big yard. Take care and post as often as you need to,

Luv, Sherr

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 1:29pm

Change in and of itself is scary.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2004
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 6:10pm

Toady Boobo

I can relate to your post word for word (even down to the pet - mine is actually a dog that I will have to leave with HB). But you are actually one step ahead of me- You're moving. Sadness is not always a bad thing - it gives the body and soul time to heal.
Hope that everything went well today
Salome

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2004
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 11:59am

Hi Toady: I just read your post and want to tell you that I also know exactly what you are feeling. I still haven’t left my husband but I do want to and am planning to. But every time I think about it I start to get, I guess sad is the word. I wonder why as I really cannot wait to be away from the horror he has made of my life. I think we are mourning what might have been, what we started out planning for – a happy life with someone we thought we knew and trusted who turned out not to be that person at all.

Sometimes I think that I would like to still have a relationship with my husband after I divorce him…a casual, friendly relationship where we get together as a family or just spend time with each other…I guess because I don’t totally want to lose the relationship. And I’m not even sure why that is because I have such hateful feelings for him with all that he has done to me and I don’t like him or respect or admire him at all. Maybe its because I am still emotionally dependent on the relationship that I have with his good side. But I certainly don’t want to continue to be his victim for the rest of my life. I don’t want him to see me as someone he owns and can force to do what he wants the way it is now. But I’m sure that can never be and once I am away from him I know I will be able to have a great life with peace and sleep and freedom. You will too.

The cat and the ferry are just the way his conditioning is still getting to you. Take the cat, that way you won’t have to worry about him.