He called!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
He called!!
7
Sat, 07-30-2005 - 6:30pm

I was soaking in the bathtub and my cellphone rang. Since my kids (24,22 and 20) have been calling and checking up on me all day, I assumed it was them. I nearly drowned when I heard my husband's voice. He said "hello" and then starting crying very hard. I just listened and did not say anything. I was so shocked that he called. He tried to talk but he kept breaking down. I then reiterated to him exactly WHY I had done this (I didn't know what else to say). He said, "I didn't think you would ever do this. I thought you already had me right where you wanted me" (meaning, I had laid down the law with him about some other things and he felt that I had him over the barrel or something). I then told him that I had to go and he asked if he could call me later. I said "I don't think that would be a good idea" and then I hung up.

I'm not feeling anything. Just numb. I do wonder why an abusive man is surprised when his wife leaves in the middle of the night?? Does he really think that I would tolerate his behaviour indefinitely?? Also, why does ANYONE have to be "right where" they should be?? Marriage is a partnership, not a board game!!

I am sooooo tired. I slept 9 hours, woke up, ate breakfast, slept another 2 hours, went to my apartment to see how it is coming along (it is so incredibly beautiful I can hardly wait to live there) and then I slept for another 2 hours. I am going to spend the night in my office tonight. Now before anyone feels sorry for me, I have to say that my office is pretty darn nice! I have a nice leather couch that I can stretch out on and a good lamp to read. I went to the bookstore and bought a couple of really good books to read. I brought my pillows and blanket. I'm all set.

Ohhhh....and guess what??? I was driving down my NEW road, and this family was having a yard sale. As I was driving by I seen this gorgeous wood crib. It has hardly been used at all, because shortly after they purchased it, they received one as a gift that they liked better. It has the wooden spindles and is shaped like a windsor back chair. I love it. They wanted $50.00 for it!!! They also had tons of children's books and a baby computerized gave (V-Tech) - all in French!! We are all bilingual and my children attended K-University in French, but is always a little harder to find resources in French. I bought it all.

I just know that it is all going to work out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
In reply to: toady_booboo
Sat, 07-30-2005 - 6:43pm

Going to work out? I should say so! You've had a good start so far (and camping in the office kinda sounds like fun!)

Good for you getting him off the phone quickly. Stick to your guns. If he starts calling a lot, talk to the phone company.

Can't wait until you're in your new place! Enjoy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
In reply to: toady_booboo
Sat, 07-30-2005 - 8:05pm
I agree with Gonna, if he starts calling you again on your cell, contact your cell carrier and make them aware of the situation and have your cell number changed.
5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2001
In reply to: toady_booboo
Sun, 07-31-2005 - 10:11am

Good morning from Arizona. Just curious where you might be. Also, when I see your post I think of my favorite frog, if you can have a favorite frog, Kermit. Ok, have been following your journey since last Thursday. Do you have the cat?
Also, on your cell, do you have caller ID? The best advice from everyone here would be NO CONTACT. Take it from me, after 34 years of this miserable life with him, hopefully coming to an end. It is up to me. Now I am going back
and trying to pick up pieces of my life worth saving. That is how I am looking at it. Another question, are you saying
that you have three grown "kids" and one little on on the way? Any in between? Is this your second marriage? If you
don't want to answer that's ok. My only "kid" is 30 and didn't belong to my ex, thank God. Well, want to get this off
and let you know that we are here,

Luv, Sherry

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2005
In reply to: toady_booboo
Sun, 07-31-2005 - 2:23pm
Hi, I just had to tell you how proud I am of you. I have been lurking on this board for a little while and have been reading your posts. You have so much courage and strength you are going to be so much better off and happy without him. I just had to tell you that and let you know my thoughts and prayers are with you. Hugs
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
In reply to: toady_booboo
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 11:57am
Toady-I'm so glad to hear you're out! Good for you not to let his tears manipulate you - hopefully there's a way you can screen your calls or even change you number to avoid contact. Hope your apt is ready soon so you can start setting up for your new life. & Congrats on all your great yard sale finds, too.
-sang
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
In reply to: toady_booboo
Fri, 08-05-2005 - 8:52am

Hi Sherry.

The "toady-booboo" is actually the nicknames of two of my kids. We started calling my son "Toad" when he was just a baby because he would belch extremely loud and his eyes wouldn't even blink (just like a big toad!) and my daughter has always been "boo-boo". They are now 24 and 22 and we STILL call them by these names - sometimes in public *L*

I didn't take my cat. I have to wait until my apartment is completely done and then I have to smuggle him in because the landlord told me I can't have a pet. So that solves the problem of the yard, because he won't be going out in the yard again. I miss my cat.

I'm in Canada (eastern) and sometimes the caller ID works and sometimes it doesn't. He also knows how to block it out using *67. I may have to get a new number but he hasn't been harassing me either.

Yes, I'm having a baby!! I had my three kids when I was 16,18 and 20. While I was married to their dad I was a stay at home mom, but when I was 26, I left him. In hindsight, I realize that he was mentally and emotionally abusive also. It took me ten years to get out of that marriage because of fear (no job, no education, etc.) After I left, I started going to university and it became my whole life (besides the kids). We lived on student loans and I always had to have a part-time job. We had NOTHING but a prayer!

I had a few boyfriends, but nothing serious because I was so focused on getting an education, that I wasn't a very responsive or fun girlfriend. I dragged my kids around to classes with me when they were not in school (they have such good memories of doing their homework for math and listening to 'human sexuality' classes *L*). By the time they graduated from high school it was a natural next step for them to go to university. We have talked about this so much - it is interesting - their friends went too and they all bombed the first year (too much freedom and the overwhelming newness of university life). Well my kids stepped into it like an old lost friend! They knew "the language" of university, they knew how to do research (they helped me at the library) and they followed me around campus so much, they knew all the places to take a quick nap, or hide to study. Anyways....I digress....but I am so proud of my kids. "Toad" did a BA and is in his 2nd year of law school. "Booboo" just finished her BA and was accepted to law school for the fall. My third child, "Amber" (no nickname) just finished her 1st year in journalism.

As for me, I did four degrees and then worked a couple of years before I got serious about finding the "right" guy - what a mistake. I should have stayed single, BUT I am having a new baby and I'm quite excited about that. I can actually afford this one *laugh*

So that is my story.

Tarrin

Avatar for debbe1959
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
In reply to: toady_booboo
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 10:50am
Hallelujah mon amie!! I thank God for your progress! I love reading these posts-- it's like watching a gorgeous butterfly emerge from its' cocoon! I am so happy for you! Like you, I got some beautiful new things for my apt and got some books and a new lamp to read them by and am in the process of redecorating this entire place! I have filled my living room like my favorite beach inn! Lots of plants and beach chairs, etc. I even have my first aquarium filled with fish and a african dwarf frog (who has stolen my heart with her aquatic ballets!). God is so good to us when we are good to ourselves, huh? I join in your elation! God continue to bless you! Just a thought... when you get into your new place-- thank God for it, ask him to bless it and tell him he's welcome there all the time! After I had my roommate move out, I redeicated the entire place to God and have been having a royal ball with making it a home!! Thanx for sharing your good news and happiness with us! Deb P.S. I answered the phone in March at my parents' house & my stomach churned when I heard "his" voice! He cried and so on too, but I asked for a divorce right in the middle of it-- I was hoping to never hear "that" awful voice again, but just thanked God again for rescuing me 2 1/2 years before! I am waiting for my courtdate right now! Another day to celebrate my freedom & God's wonderful gifts to me!!!