My HB isn't changing
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| Tue, 08-02-2005 - 7:32pm |
I just finished reading the article from wishful's website about How Abusers Stage Their Return (http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlmakeitstop&msg=10960.1&redirCnt=1) Boy is that my HB to a T. I thought maybe he was changing, but after reading this, I know he hasn't been, just working on getting me back while almost following this as a script.
- Honeymoon syndrome - promised to never hit me even though he hit my mom. And said he didn't really hit her, he just pushed her because she was hitting him in his face (she was trying to take our daughter out of his arms because he was trying to leave with her and he was too drunk to drive).
- Super Parent Syndrome - he has been trying to spend more time with the girls, playing with them. And telling me how much better he is getting at being a parent and having patience with them.
- Revival Syndrome - he started going to church with his parents, but has recently been slacking off attending (since I wasn't impressed). Even talked to the pastor about our situation (I wasn't there so not sure what all he told him). The pastor is offering counseling, I told HB no.
- Sobriety Syndrome - when I originally left him, he decided to go to an out patient substance abuse program. He started drinking again before he even left the program saying he really wasn't an alcoholic, but didn't tell them he had restarted. And if I brought up anything during the family time, I was told (after the meeting) that I had the story wrong. I finally stopped saying anything. He's still drinking but 'quits' for a couple days in a row. He said he didn't plan to quit drinking entirely, just cut back. He also started taking other drugs because he was/is depressed and had several hallucination episodes because of them (I even got a call from the police at 1 am because he had called them twice claiming people were in the house. I told them I was not going to the house because we were separated and I didn't feel safe).
- Counseling Syndrome - We went to counseling after he finished his sa treatment. Again, my story was all wrong so I decided not to say much. My counselor was aware of the DV because I had a separate meeting with her. She was going to work through it slowly, but HB found something wrong with her and decided we weren't going to go anymore. He went on his own for a while to a different counselor (I asked him to go to help with his depression) but he only went about 4 times then said it wasn't helping and quit.
- Buy Out - He's bought me a diamond necklace and a regular gold necklace since I left him. When we were together birthdays and anniversaries usually just consisted of dinner out and a bunch of cards. If I got a present, it wasn't much (of course I didn't ask for much either). Christmas was usually better, but these were for my birthday and valentines day.
Then there's the thing with my daughter...Whether he did or he didn't I can't say, because the physical evidence isn't there and my daughter is too young to make a creditable witness (not to mention she won't talk about it). But looking up traits for child abusers, he meets a few of those too.
I'll be working on the divorce paperwork this weekend...
| Tue, 08-02-2005 - 8:34pm |
