Why can't (won't) I leave?!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Why can't (won't) I leave?!?
6
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 4:43pm

I've been on and off this board for quite some time but today was an awful day and I'm sick to death that I have not removed myself from this situation. My husband is a stay-at-home Dad to our 19 month old daughter (mainly because he didn't want to work). I have a great job, work hard, etc. We have been in counseling since early this year when I finally realized that he was an emotionally abusive man. He had 100% of the finances (I'm the only one with an income), etc. He is loud, angry and violent. I was close to making him leave back in May, in fact he spent a week away from home. But, with counseling - both marriage and individual sessions for both - things had improved (or so I thought). This morning we got into a huge fight because I didn't want to have sex. Then, at 10:00 he called me at work and yelled into the phone "You have to get someone to get this girl away from me." When I asked what he meant he replied "you need to get her the f@*k away from me." Of course, he was referring to our baby!! I live 30 minutes from work and flew home. I got ahold of my FIL in the meantime and he picked my daughter up. My husband left before I got home. I have never been so scared in my life. I've been shaking and crying all day. But - I've been this scared of him before and I always end up going back. I guess I just need support. I think I've come to the right place.

Hugs,
Jules

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 4:57pm

You are definitely in the right place. Not sure what else to say other than that. Do you have a sitter for tomorrow? If you need imediate help, please call your local DV hotline or the national hotline above. Sounds like you are tired of riding the roller coaster and want off and you will get there.

-J

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 6:15pm

Oh, sweetie, how awful.


JB is absolutely right, please call 800-799-SAFE and speak with someone there.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 6:41pm
Oh my God, I wouldn't leave him alone with your baby again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 7:32pm

Leaving abusive relationships are scary, but doable.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 11:19pm
Goodness yes, get an RO. Also, start thinking temporary custody because it sounds as if he is a bit explosive even around the baby. Just a wee bit of advice before the ball starts to roll: the more you have documented, such as this incident, the better because things may get nasty once you start the process of leaving. That's where the RO adds a bit more physical security (but do consider other things such as staying with family for awhile etc) and gathering up all records that may demonstrate what a &&$%^*#$* he is. The RO can also serve as a valuable piece of evidence itself. Could be that if you go for divorce that he tries to attack you for alimony since he was the 'perfect father' staying at home while you worked. He may make it out to be a sacrifice he made for the family rather than laziness. Consider working towards protecting your pension as well. And don't forget property. Make sure you have all your records and any evidence before he can swipe it and make it that much harder on you to defend yourself. But I hope that you do not choose to stick around, especially after what has happened. It will not get better, it will only get worse until you put a stop to it. Just a thought from my own experience. My best to you and keep updating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Thu, 08-04-2005 - 6:31pm

Thank you all SO MUCH!!! I stayed with my sister last night and had my DD with a friend today. HB and I had marriage counseling tonight and I was able to let him know exactly what yesterday did to me. I am leaving in the morning for a planned vacation so will have several days to think it all over and make a decision. I do have Daycare lined up for when I get back and he agrees that she needs to be in daycare.

Thanks to all of you and I'll be in touch when I get back from va-ca.

Hugs,
Jules