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| Thu, 08-04-2005 - 11:54am |
I posted here last week and have been lurker since then gathering up the information and what-not that I could. I've been yo-yoing on my thoughts - mainly because things with my live-in boyfriend have been yo-yoing.
Things went pretty smoothly through the weekend until Monday evening. We were laying in bed together watching TV and I moved to put my arm around him just as he was shifting and I ended up kind of hitting him in the chest. He got mad and jumped up and started punching my hip and leg several times (I was laying on my side and I think this is the most violently physical he's ever gotten) and left the room. I guess it was a nervous reaction but I started laughing until he got frustrated and left the room which is when I started crying. When he came back he acted as nothing was wrong and the rest of the evening was uneventful.
Tuesday night he was as sweet as could be and just wonderful. He came home with two dozen roses - which he never does. I don't get anything from him except for birthday or Christmas time. It was just a great night.
Then last night we were going to go out to dinner. When we got into town I suggested a couple different places we could eat and he wrinkled his nose to each of them but when I asked him where he wanted to eat he wouldn't answer me. I asked him a couple of times where he'd prefer to eat and he exploded saying that I needed to just pick a place and stop driving around.
At the restaurant he got angry because after we ordered our meals the waitress took our menus and he started mumbling that he had wanted to look at the appetizers too. Well just about then our waitress walked back by and I asked her if we could have a menu back because we might be interested in an appetizer. This infuriated him - he never makes a scene in public but he was clear that I NEVER do ANYTHING like that again. Oh yes and the eyes, I'm sure that most of you know the "angry eyes".
When we got home that evening he asked me if I was going to bed (I usually go to bed earlier than him) or if I wanted to do something. I told him I wasn't going to go to bed but he could do whatever he wanted - he seemed to be planning on playing on his game system. I thought about it a moment (because I didn't have really anything to do) and suggested that if he wanted to we could do something together - talk or play a game. He didn't respond and I had been facing away from him when I spoke so I turned around to innocently ask him if he had heard me (I wasn't making an accusation or being 'snotty'). He jumped up to turn everything off and stormed out of the room. I followed to see what had him so upset all of a sudden and he told me that he was angry at me for not bringing anything up before he started on his game and then for pushing him for not moving fast enough. I was finally able to explain to him that my suggestion and question were innocent but he refused the possibility that he had done anything wrong. I told him he had over reacted but that just started us in circles. Anything to admit that he's never wrong. Then he started accusing me of needing to grow up or I was going to grow old alone. I did loss my temper at that and told him something like "that's rich coming from you, Mr. I'm always right AND everyone else is always wrong. After that I told him I was tired of this and that I was going to bed. He followed me in a little while later and started acting all lovey-dovey again.
I don't feel crazy like I used to after our rounds like last night but I do feel at a loss. On the one hand I'm upset at myself for not just walking out immediately. I don't have much of anyone I can talk to about this, and I'm afraid that if I do say anything people will either think I'm not worth the time because I haven't left already or think that it's all in my head. Then I also get to thinking that I'm not giving him enough of a chance. I get to thinking that maybe if I just talked to him about what he's doing to me maybe he'd understand because he grew up in an abusive home - but then I also worry that maybe he'd just get furious with me for suggesting such a thing because "nothing he did could ever match what was done to him". I'm really not sure how to go about any of it. Is it even worth trying to work on? I'd hate to walk away without giving him the least bit of a chance. Am I a fool? How did all of you ladies do it? Most of you were so much more invested in your relationships (marriage, kids) than I am and I'm having such a rough time wrestling with what to do.

In all honesty, my XH didn't give me much of an option.
CL-Blueliner4