night from hell

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2004
night from hell
4
Sat, 08-06-2005 - 6:11am

Over dinner last night I asked my boyfriend if he would mind if I went on a day trip today with one of my friends from work. Her husband is out of down and she asked me to go to a nearby historical town with her and visit some museums. He got upset; he didn't yell but he just made it clear that he didn't like the idea but I figured he would. He hates it for me to just go visit my parents while he's sleeping on the weekends. (He works third shift at the prison so he sleeps most of the day.) After that I didn't look up from my plate for the rest of dinner and we didn't really talk. As I was clearing up he started explaining to me that I could go but he just doesn't like the idea because 'he's paranoid and I'm a good thing for him and he doesn't want to lose me'. I know that his exfinance cheated on him which I guess is why I allowed this behavior for so long but I'm starting to wonder if that's how she saw to get out of an equally abusive situation.

That's not the half of it. Shortly after dinner last night I started laundry. As I carried the hamper back into our bedroom his mother was sitting at my computer desk. (She has started renting the other 1/2 of the 1/2 house we rent) She was a single mother and absolutely torchured my BF as he was growing up. Anyway, my BF had just gotten out of the shower so he jumped into bed to cover up when she barged in. We knew that she had just gotten home from the bar (where she spends every evening) and she was drunk as could be. She started demanding money from us for this or that and telling BF he never knew how well he had it. She's done this before saying that she needed money to go back to the bar and of course we never gave it to her. Well this time she said she needed money or her phone was going to be turned off. My BF ignored her completely and turned on the tv and she just kept getting louder and louder. As quietly and calmly as I could I suggested she give us her bill and we would help her out. (She has two other small children and so against my BF's wishes I do help her out sometimes with groceries and such for their sake) Anyway, she became enraged at my offer - she just wanted a check or cash from HIM at that moment and nothing else would do. She got up in my face screaming at me that she was his mother and I was not to get involved with their discussion and to shut the hell up. I could tell from the way she was looking at me that more than anything she wanted to hit me but I think she's kind of afraid to get physical around my BF now that he's "grown up". She finally left the our bedroom and I locked the door right away. She stood outside it and screamed for a few more minutes but left.

The last time she did this and last night I went to the police station to report her behavior. Both times the officer told me that there wasn't much he could do other than come out and give her a warning (which I declined because I knew when he left it would just make her worse) but I've at least tried to get a pattern going. The first time I also gave the officer the make and model of her car and her favorite bar telling him she's a constant DUI. They said they'd watch for her but so far no luck. I've wanted to report her for child neglect, too, but my BF has made it clear that is not allowed.

Now I want out of this house more than anything. So far I've been able to handle anything my BF throws at me but I'm literally terrified to be near this woman. Before I had been thinking that I could move out some night while he's at work but she's a stereotypical alcoholic and never sleeps. If I leave during the day I have to contend with him (he never goes ANYWHERE unless I'm at work or asleep) and she works the same shift as I do. If I leave at night I'll have to run the risk of her attacking me. The only other option I can see is asking a police officer to come here while I remove my things but I'm afraid that will turn into WWIII. What did I do to deserve a trap like this? I've been up almost all night and know I won't have any energy to go anywhere with my coworker today.

dreaming of becoming a mommy blinkie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
In reply to: saydar
Sat, 08-06-2005 - 7:49am
My goodness! It already sounds like WWIII! I think having a police officer with you as you get your things is the best idea. Now's the time to leave. That's a horrible situation you're dealing with!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
In reply to: saydar
Sat, 08-06-2005 - 12:04pm

Saydar, I'm not clear on the 1/2 house. If it's two units, then your unit is not her home and she has no legal right to be there without permission. Therefore, you could get a no-trespass order. Again, she has behaved in a physically threatening manner and you're afraid even to leave because she may attack you. You should be able to get some order forbidding her to assault you. At any rate, it is illegal for one person to threaten another, even in the same household.

Getting a police escort while you remove your things sounds excellent. Chances are if she sees a cop in the yard she'll behave, and they know that. If she did anything to disturb you during that time, or if she called your boyfriend and he came home, the police would be there to prevent harm. Please do not be embarrassed to ask for help. They would rather stand by while you load your stuff (and she peeks out the windows) than come to arrest her and call an ambulance for you. Just call during the day & ask for a DV officer. Take care of yourself. Be safe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2004
In reply to: saydar
Sat, 08-06-2005 - 10:06pm

Here is what I did today. (It may not be much but I'm proud of myself for at least doing something) I had about an hour window between when BF's mother left for work and when he got home so I loaded some of my things into the back of my car that I thought he wouldn't notice were gone at first. Even if he does notice them gone I have an excuse.

On my way to my friends house - yes, I did go anyway just to get out of the house for a while - I stopped by my parents' house. I filled them in on some of what was going on and asked if I could keep some of my things at their house. Of course they said yes. I told them that I was trying to decrease what I had here so that if I decided to disappear I could do so quickly. They told me that they understood and that I could stay there if need be until I found another place.

dreaming of becoming a mommy blinkie

Avatar for debbe1959
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
In reply to: saydar
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 9:57am
saydar, Don't worry about the war-- concentrate on just this one battle!! Get an officer escort! You are a free woman-- thank God you didn't marry into this family! You have the right to go where you choose, when you choose, with whomever you choose! You don't need to "ASK" for permission to live, girl! God gave you that right when he created you! You have options-- please use them. I thank God for our police and sheriffs' office! They are trained to help in situations like this. I pray and am praying that you call and do not go the house until they arrive or better yet, have them follow you over and walk in with you!!!!! Do not put your precious life in abusive hands! God wants you to be SAFE!!! When you are free, you can join the rest of us and wonder for a time--- WHY??? I don't ask that particular question anymore-- I am too busy living, laughing and thanking God it's behind me! I am grateful every moment I spend happy and safe! Choose today to live and get on with the awesome life that God has given you, leaving behind this present "nightmare!" Your energies will be renewed once you are not being drained and you can make plans with your coworker again and carry them out! I love museums too! Have a wonderful day and post again; I will continue to pray for you and all the women that God leads this way!! Yours, Deb