Now what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Now what?
7
Mon, 08-08-2005 - 11:09am
Honestly, right now, I am confused, sad, angry, fed up, tired and lost.
Okay so I finally acknowledge that I am bing verbally abused. I am so nervous.. I have so many thing srunning through my mind. Today is out 7th anniversary and I could care less. It was my fathers 60th birthday this past weekend and we stayed at the camp with a large number of my family. He was so great. Everyone just thinks he is the greatest guy. Aside from my best friend and her husband and my mother (who have seen the way he will treat me) Noone is going to believe me. I am trying to think about what I have to do and get things arranged. I just don't know how to make that final nove. I actually don't wnat to hurt him. Crazy huh? We have 3 children who will not understand why this is happening. They just don't see it. When he yells at them to the point of spitting in their faces. The relentless teasing. It is breakig my heart and when I try to intervien he tells me to mind my own business... Can someone who has gone through this help me out. I am so confused.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
In reply to: lalapet
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 9:04am

(((hugs)))


I really understand what you are going through. When I left (in March) I had two small boys, ages 3 and 21 months, and I was six months pregnant. My STBX never really yelled at the boys, but the teasing of the oldest was unbelievable and just broke my heart. The main thing I dealt with was the verbal/emotional abuse. There was some physical as well. When I left I was only working part-time and was in school full-time. I had NO savings, nothing at all. After much debating, one Saturday while he was at work I just packed up our stuff, took the boys and left. I went to a women's shelter. Honestly, that wasn't the hard part. The hardest part was staying away, not letting him weasel his way back in. With all of the begging, the promises, it was hard. But, I held my ground. So, here I am, five months later, and it's still hard, but, it's getting easier. The hardest thing so far is that he immediatly jumped into another relationship and treats his new girlfriend like a queen, blowing all kinds of money on her while I'm having serious trouble paying the rent. But, I'll never regret my decision to leave. Sometimes, in moments of weakness, I do question myself. However, I know I made the right decision.


I would say call your local abused women's shelter, almost every town has one. If you're not sure, call the Department of Social Services and they should be able to point you in the right direction. Also, I would suggest getting yourself into see a therapist. You've been beat down by this man and it might take some help to get through it, just make sure to find a therapist trained to deal with domestic abuse. Again, social services should be able to help you with that....hope I helped! *hugs*

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: lalapet
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 5:07am

Yes, I hope i can help you out. Sometimes it is very hard to justify to ourselves, that verbal & emotional abuse is JUST as damaging as blatant physical abuse.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: lalapet
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 5:08am
Sam, I am STILL SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
In reply to: lalapet
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 7:42am
awww...thanks!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
In reply to: lalapet
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 1:30pm
I really appreciate your replys. This is so hard. I am trying to get things together and organized. He never swears at me. Only on about two maybe three has he ever cursed at me. But it's the other things he says that are just as bed to me. Calling me a prude because I won't do something he wants to do, asking where the fun loveing wife is that he married. If I try to explain something and he tells me I am wrong. Because in his eyes I am wrong most of the time. If something is lost I threw it out or I lost it. But he always tells me I am a great mother. He tells me constantly that I am beautiful. No one loves their wife as much as he loves me. But, He has to approve of what I wear even my shoes. I sleep too much. I don't show him enough affection. I never want to be with him anymore. When i say I love you he says yes right. Every time he says something it is that bothers me he follows it with I'm only joking. To me this is enough. But when I read some of the other stories I think I could be worse. He hasn't beat me or the kids but they are afraid of him. He Swares at them. I know I have to leave, it's just so hard. What helped you get through?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
In reply to: lalapet
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 1:49pm

Lala, sweetie, he's worse than

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
In reply to: lalapet
Thu, 08-11-2005 - 2:53pm

I wonder if you are with my former abuser.

5yrssm