What a morning
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| Wed, 08-10-2005 - 12:04pm |
I've been visiting my long distance boyfriend for the past week or so, and we are in the company of his parents with whom I'll go into more details.
His father is a very intimidating man, and is very strict and opinionated. So this morning he woke us up for my SO to cut the grass as he's always done this chore since he was a little boy. My bf got up and cut the grass, and after he was finished, I heard a lot of yelling and screaming going on upstairs in the living room.
I guess I should clarify myself, his father has taken a week for a vacation and that mean this is only going to get worse as the week progresses. His family fears him, and resents him a lot for being the way he is. He gets very verbally abusive and I've seen this time and time again as I visit. He wants things certain way, very stubborn and is a perfectionist. So a person better not cross him or he'll go so mad you'd think he would blow up literally.
He likes to control everything, and I mean everything. He likes to control what the family eats pretty much. It's as if it would be the end of the world if he couldn't control his family. He controls where the wife goes, and if she's not up to it, he makes her go anyway.
I have talked to her numerous times and sometimes she's defending him and other times she's had it with this abuse. Just recently she confessed to me that she misuses her prescription drugs. When she told me how many she takes, I couldn't believe it. She cried and told me she feared things would only get worse if she didn't stop misusing them. I asked her if she could go to therapy, and she said "Absolutely NOT", that HE would not allow her to!
I asked if maybe she could sneak in the mornings when he's at work (she's stay at home wife), and she said NO, he would find out.
I'm very stressed out, and more so for this family. The wife and kids don't deserve this. The father's answer to all when it doesn't go his way is by yelling, threatening, and blaming.
Any thoughts, advice?
My SO and I are going to move in together soon. But until then this will continue, as it has for the past 20 years. I feel for the wife, and the sister. What a bad situation.

Oh, hon.
CL-Blueliner4
Thank you so much for that quick reply. I will try to be as helpful and non-judgemental when I do talk to his mom sometimes today.
Couple of days ago, his mom told me she will give her medeciations to the daughter to control her dosages, and hopefully that helps her. When I told her that she might talk to the doctors about this, she said she would but that they would not prescribe her anymore pain killers/among other all kinds of medications. It's a non win situation, but I'm hoping she gets through this with help of the daugther. Her daughter is in her early 20's, who has an attitude of her own (very rebelious).
My SO and I have talked about this some more today, and have calmed down. But have realized that when the two kids are gone, the poor woman will be here all by herself with him. I will make sure she knows she can move past this, and not be controlled/manipulated. I'm not sure she's strong enough or believes she can do better, but I'll let her know I'm always here for her.
Thank you for those helpful suggestions.
Absolutely feel free to refer her here.
CL-Blueliner4