Am I Crazy to...Hope?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Am I Crazy to...Hope?
3
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 12:34pm
Okay so this weekend was more than I ever expected. What started over his opening my mail turned into my laying it all on the line. I guess I just snapped. The thing that shocked the heck out of me was his reaction. I was pretty brutal and straight to the point. I didn’t sugar coat it or cry. What shocked me is that he just sat there and listened. He never yelled or got angry. I know that everyone says that an abuser never changes. Things may get better for a little while but they always go back to the way they were. He told me he didn’t realize I was so unhappy. He asked why I never said anything until now. I told him that I get nervous about how he will react. He cried and asked what I wanted to do to make things better. He would do whatever I asked because he doesn’t want to lose the kids or me. He agreed to goto counseling and take anger management classes. I told him that if his actions go back to the way they were we would leave. He agreed and the rest of the weekend was actually nice. I know that I can’t get all excited and think that everything will be rainbows and flowers now. I will not back down or lose sight of what brought me to all of this. I will be strong and not back down. You just can’t help but at least give him one chance to make a change. Has anyone else been here? Did things ever really change? Is there any hope at all? I know they are few and far between but ultimately don’t we all want things to work out? Do we ever go into a marriage and say, well if it doesn’t work it’s no big deal I’ll just move on? Am I the only one who is willing to give them the opportunity to change?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 1:39pm

There is nothing wrong in wanting to be hopeful.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 08-15-2005 - 2:57pm

WARNING - WARNING - WARNING


Honey, these were the biggest crocodile tears this man could muster.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
Fri, 08-19-2005 - 8:11am
I don't see anything particularly special or hopeful about his behaviour. I think if you have it in you to give him a chance, then that is what you need to do. There will come a time after you have given him so many chances and he has hurt you so badly that you can't take any more. Then you will just know it's time to go. Good luck to you. Maybe he's part of the 1% that do change.