Tell me, is this normal??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2005
Tell me, is this normal??
7
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 6:28pm

So, tell me if this is normal...

Bf and gf don't live together, bf comes over to gf's on a nightly basis. Each time bf gets mad or "irritated" about something, if gf does not immediately say "I'm so sorry, I'll never do that again"(whatever THAT is), bf gathers up his things while making sarcastic comments and storms out. For this to happen regularly is not normal, right? I mean, healthy people don't have to storm out in a sarcastic rage every time they get angry/irritated/upset, right?

Ya' know, its funny, I don't even think I like him anymore. He was over last night and (before getting mad and storming out) told me he was horny. All I could think of was how was I going to have sex with him; I felt no attraction at all. Before, when he would leave, I would ball my eyes out and try to figure out what I could have done differently and what I could do now to make it better. Last night, I was relived when he left. I straightened up the apt. a bit, read in bed for a little while, and got a good night's sleep.

I guess this is me reaching the point where I'm going to leave, not only because I SHOULD, but because I WANT to. I guess that's cause for celebration.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 6:37pm

No, that behavior isn't normal at all.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 7:13pm
Blue is right.
5yrssm 
Avatar for itsgoodtobeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 09-01-2005 - 12:27am
You're right this is not normal and you could leave and not worry about him he will find someone else to huff at again. You don't need the stress and it just gets worse over time. HUGS and Prayers to you dear.>Jo
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2005
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 7:09pm

First of all, my heart and thoughts are with the people in our nation who have suffered and continue to suffer such tragic losses. I feel silly posting about my problems when there are so many people in this country with problems like not having food, water, or shelter. But I feel like crap and I really want to get it off my chest...

I hadn't heard from my bf since he left my apt angry on Monday night. So today (Friday), I decided to make it final. I bagged up his stuff and went over to his house. First of all, he was so SMUG during this whole encounter (which is so unattractive). He saw the bag and asked what it was. I said it was his stuff, and he said "Oh...well, you can go then". He seemed a little surprised, so I asked if he was. He said he's been done trying to figure me out for a while and that no, he's not really surprised, since I didn't call him between Monday and now, I obviously didn't care enough. I asked him if this is what he wants, and he said that I can't give him what he wants, so yeah, he guesses so. I asked him what it is that he wants because I don't know, and he said "I know you don't know, but I do and I know you can't give it to me". So I left.

He didn't seem sad, just smug and arrogant. He was completely oblivious to the fact that he's been mean to me - he thought I was going to call him and apologize! When I left I cried and kicked myself for crying because I was ready for this - I've been adjusting to the breakup (although not official yet) all week. I guess there's something about taking that final step and making it official, it kind of twists the knife a little, especially when he still has the nerve to try to make me feel bad about myself.

Thanks for letting me vent. I hope everyone has a great holiday weekend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 7:55pm

Don't feel silly. Katrina was bad, the stampede was bad, abuse is bad. All have caused suffering and death.

Watch out for xbf, though, especially with that crack about being finished "for a while." When he finds out that smugness and uncaring don't break you down (and when he's horny again) he'll switch approaches. YOU don't care enough - sheez.

So sorry you're going through this. It just makes me so mad that there are those who want to hurt good people. Take care and do something to pamper yourself this weekend. Hugs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 8:02pm

Gonna is right hun.

5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 9:02pm
It's sad to say this, but there will always be war, famine and catastrophe somewhere in the world. So there really is never a time when some problems don't seem petty when compared to others. But they're still problems, and you still have to deal with them.
Congrats to you for standing up to him and ending it. As for the whole smug act -- while completely infuriating, it at least reinforced that you were right to do this. It would have been worse if he had turned on the crocodile tears, swept you back in his arms, only to start acting like a shmuck a few weeks later when he got comfortable.
Hang in there!
And I wanted to tell the CLs and other ladies on here that reading stories and educating myself on abuse here has really helped me figure out what the heck happened in a number of unpleasant incidents I have had in the past, with friends, boyfriends and family.
Thanks!
--Fran