Thrown for a bit of a loop here .....
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Thrown for a bit of a loop here .....
| Fri, 09-09-2005 - 6:46pm |
not that i will let it skew my vision of the reality of our situation, but i was pretty shocked at a phone call STBX made to me a bit ago.
We are at settlement, just about. Tweaking it b4 we offer. Interoggatorries & Discovery are in, I assume by now he has seen all MY answers to everything that went on, the alcoholism, the abuse, the joblessness ... & this Tues we go to court. I court is


I'm not surprised. BTDT myself, not with 70K involved, but the same basic thing.
It ... it does throw one for a loop.
You're almost out. And that's great. And I think that if you budge even a little on the 70K in order to save money and not have that to worry about, you'll regret it. I think you should tell him, "I'm sorry you feel that way. Things are going as planned. Averey is in therapy and she's dealing the best she can, and I'm dealing the best I can, and I think for now we should go ahead with what we were doing and I'm sorry if you feel otherwise".
Averey is probably just now starting to get used to the routines. It takes kids upwards of 2 years to completely heal from a divorce. She's still in the early beginning parts of finding out where she fits into all of this. I think that if you swayed from what you've been doing, even just a little, it's going to throw her off. Remember, kids LOVE predictability, schedules, solidity, stableness and routines.
And kids love being in a home environment with no tension and no fighting.
And expect him to be BEYOND furious with you when you tell him, if you tell him, that it's a no go. No matter how delicately you state it.
May I ask how long you go in one stretch without contact from him?
Thinking of you,
Me
Either he is truly sorry, he is truly getting "it" now (way way WAY too late) & he is sincere in HIS belief that he can/has changed - OR - he is trying to manipulate me into taking him back. Either way, it doesnt matter b/c there is NO turning back for me.
He won't ever ever ever ever ever let it be an easy process, and if he even has a shred of hope, any kind of hope, he won't give up and get his own closure and move on.
That's from experience.
If I'm correct that you are asking me this: Maybe its worth a try? In reference to this:
I do wish there were some way, w/o leading him on with a possible futrure reconcilliation, to make this work in my favor financially. I feel like telling him the truth - that i have no intentions of stopping this process - & will continue
R, he's in panic mode.
CL-Blueliner4
I have been watching and admiring you for a while now. You have had the strength to do what I have only yet dreamt of. You got out.
So let me ask you this: How many times has he screwed up and then when reality hit him in the face and he knew he wasn't going to get out of his "screw-up" without "pretending" he was wrong, did he do an about face?
Of course he wants back. You have been so strong. You aren't relenting. Others are starting to see him as he really is, not as he wants them to see him. You aren't protecting him anymore and no one else is either.
BUT . . . if he can just get you to change your mind, he can make it all go back the way it was.
You miss the good things about him; the person you think you married.
He misses what HE lost.
Look at his statements:
I just want to be back home. -- I have to work everyday and handle everything -- rent, food etc myself. I miss you taking care of me.
I see what i lost now. -- I want it to be the way it was before. I lost everything and you are happy! Unacceptable.
I know now how much i had with you. Once again, not I know what I did to you -- but I know what I lost.
I just want Averey to have a whole home.-- Ok, I will play on her feelings as a mom.
Its not just her, Its you too. I miss you so much. -- No one is dealing with my crap anymore.
I want to straighten out my life & i am trying. I didnt see it before. Please just think about it". & he hung up, crying. -- feel guilt and pity me!
Don't fall for it. He will fight you tooth and nail next time as well -- and you aren't the only one who learned things this time around. Don't give him a chance to screw your life up further.
Oh and thanks for posting. When I read your posts I think maybe it could work and I could escape as well. Our stories are sooo similar.
GT I can't be me.
Great post, GT!
CL-Blueliner4