Back again :-(

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
Back again :-(
3
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 2:10pm

Well unfortunately I am here again. Some of you may remember that i left my Dh at the end of May nd yes I went back. Things were fine until august when the honeymoon period ended and he did it again. I had him arrested that next week. Truthfully it was not my decision the state took it upon themselves to file charges. I did not want his arrested I just wanted him out of the house and he wouldn't go so I went to the police to get info on a ban and bar letter told them what happened and he told me to write it down and after I did said that they were going to file charges. He was charged witha felony. He has not blamed me one bit for anything that has happend but it is my guilt that is taking it's tool right now. I did not want him in jail as a result he lost his job and we lost our health care. Did anyone else feel this kind of guilt? I know that what he did was wrong and that there eventually something had to be done but this is not how I wanted it to happen. Now we wait to see if he is going to jail before we can figured out if we should even bother to to go through some sort of counseling. I am so confused and I don't know top form bottom right now. I do feel that if I was the one to bring that charges I would not feel this way. it's like I wasn't ready for that yet. Anyone else? i feel so alone right now.I kow that many of you have gone through the same feelings. I feel like I am betraying all women when I even consider thinking about getting back with him.I would tell a friend tp leave his @$$ is a heartbeat and that she deserves better for herself and her child. Why can't I take the same steps for myself?

UGH!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2005
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 2:25pm
We are always going to be here for you unconditionally.
5yrssm 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 6:47pm

Wish is right.

CL-Blueliner4

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 10:09am

I understand the guilt you're feeling. After my ex went crazy on me and hit me a few months ago, I should've had him arrested, but I didn't. I somehow felt like it was my fault, that he couldn't help it, that he was just sick somehow. I let it go until he started acting even crazier, and then someone very close to me saw what was happening and had him arrested.

It's just like the other women here have said. It's conditioning, years of conditioning.

Remember the NO CONTACT rule. Only lots of time away from him will give you the perspective you need to deal with it all. You're doing the right thing. Just keep telling yourself that. In time the confusion will go away, and you'll see things for what they really are. It's going to hurt for a while, but it will ease up. Just give yourself some time.

I can't trust myself around my ex at all. As nutty as he is, when he's anywhere near me, I lose my nerve. I just melt down. I don't know why he has that effect on me, and I hate that he does, but it's just something I have to accept. That's why I firmly support the NO CONTACT rule.