Not sure if I've a right to post here...
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| Mon, 09-19-2005 - 11:32am |
i'm not sure you'd catagorize my fiance as abusive or not. the street can go both ways right? well, here's my story.
we've been together for 3 1/2 years now. we have a 2 year old daughter... yes, we had her quite early. she was very unexpected. we get alond great, act so in love, on the good days. on the bad days, you would have thought we were the greatest of enemies. when we fight, we fight. names are called, threats are shouted, threats of violence, of leaving the other for good... lately, i've given up on the name calling, the threats. it gets me no where so why try? have i tried just talking with him? oh, yeah, i've tried 3 1/2 years worth of it. but he hasn't given up the name calling, nor the threats of violence. in the past, we've gotten physical, but not in the way one would think. there's been a shove or two from one or the other. once he held me down but i think it was because he was afraid i'd hit him. he didn't hurt me. once, i was leaving him but he owuldn't let me and he did drag me out of the car by my hair. once, we had been drinking the night before and i had went to bed early. we had two roomates at the time, one male, one female, a couple. the male was bisexual for starters and the female had been really drunk and made the comment she'd like to see my fiance and her bf "go at it". my fiance passed out and the male roomie tried to take advantage of him, which woke my fiance and caused him to panic and "run away". he had gotten maybe 2 hours sleep when i went to wake him for something he had promimsed to do. he was still drunk when awakened and we had a fight. he bit me on my hip and slapped me. doesn't remember it. many times we've thrown things at each other, but generaly those things are aimed at the walls. the other day, i had enlisted his help to give our daughter some cough syrup. she has a cold. he has even less patience then me it would seem. she fights because she hates the taste. and when she managed to spit the meds out, he became angry and he spanked her. but he spanked her hard, and to me, a 2 year old doesn't need to be spanked that hard yet. then he proceeded to clean her off but i guess he was still angry becuase when he wiped her face off, he rubbed really hard, sending her head back and forth then shoved her away and to the ground. this really angered me and i reacted without thinking and half punched half shoved him away an into the wall, screaming to not ever touch my child like that againa nd that i had had it with his treatment of her. i also called myself a mother bear... he balled up his fist and went to him me but didnt, saying he ought to. this isn't the first time he's acted like that either. i sat down with my daughter trying to calm her down, she was crying of course. and he went to clean her off again but i was still angry and didnt want him touching her so i turned away. the next thing i knew, he hit me. he didn't punch me. he slapped me on the forehead with his palm. sure, it sent my head back and it stung, gave me a headache for the rest of the day. i was shocked though. he'd never caused me harm while sober. not that he had ever caused me harm drunk either. we rarely drink, don't have the time nor the money but there;s been 2 incidents where we've been physical while he was under the unfluence. i mentioned them above.
i guess he knew what he had done would cause a type of reaction out of me. i'm not one to back down from anyone, i'll always fight back. he immediatly said "i'm sorry, i don;t know why that came out of me or how." and held up his hands, his eyes wide. i, trying to control the anger inside me that was already causing me to shake, my fists already balled up and ready to swing, choked out, "i would suggest you walk away right now without another word." and he did. he came back about 5 minutes later to try and judge my reaction again and to clean up our daughter again. he told me he was sorry, had been coimpletely in the wrong since he tried to give our daughter her mediceine and he had no excuse for what he had done. it took 15 minutes for me to calm down and move. and then, the day went on like always. he watched me, to make sure i was "ok" again. and sure, the way he hit me was very mild but still. he'd never touched me full out before while in a normal state of mind. or as normal as it gets when we argue.
then there's the constant making me feel like i'm nothing but a bother to him when he's on the computer, watching tv, etc...i receive short, clipped remarks when he's doing these things or when he's already aggrivated by something else.
that's about it. i mean, i'm not without fault either but i've never hit him. i've struggled to get away the few times he's held me. he told me himself he and his ex-girlfriend used to hit each other. he admited it and he says he knows it was wrong. well, i don't want to be like that and i CERTAINLY don't want my daughter growing up in the middle of that. so now, i'm just confused id love is enough to stay with someone who makes you feel worhtless alot of the time.
thanks for reading.

Welcome to the board Arien....
Yes, you do have a right to post here hun. Your fiance is VERY abusive.
Thank you for reading and I do feel welcome here!
I've been told by many that I should leave. My friends, my mother, etc... His mother told me when we had first got together that she feared he would bring me down, make me forget my goals in life. Everyone that's known him for all his life, and people that have met him have always said he has potential. Meaning, he's a genius with computers. but he doesn't show the want to do much with it except use it as a hobby.
I love him. Very much. I loved him before our daughter came. And I already know it would be best to leave. My it's like my will powere doesn't exist when it comes to him. Even thinking of my child's wellfare doesn't cause me to walk out the door. Yes, I fear him a bit. Not as much as I fear my father, lol, but it's there. But the thought of him not being in my life hurts as much as it hurts when he is mean to me. I don't know. And I don't know how to go.