Trying to leave my BF...
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| Mon, 09-19-2005 - 5:17pm |
I've realised that my BF is not going to change. At first I thought it was due to his PTSD from having been in Iraq while in the Army. He was infantry, and in the battle zone. His best friend was killed directly in front of him. When we started dating over a year ago, he was threatening to commit suicide all the time and I encouraged him to go to counseling. He went and stopped drinking and the threats of suicide ceased.
What has never ceased is his abusive behaviour. I have to say I am a strong willed woman, and I will certainly stand up for myself verbally. I don't call people names, but I have started stand up for myself and now I realise this abusive behaviour of his is part of him and it breaks my heart. I want to cry now while writing this. He has all the traits of an abuser. He has tried his best to alienate me from all of my friends, I haven't let him but he has tried. Last night, my GF stopped over with her new H. They had gone to Barbados and married. I didn't even know they were planning it. It was a surprise visit, I was in my bathroom. The minute he got to the door, he picked up his things and walked out of the house. Didn't even say goodbye. When I spoke to my GF today, she told me that she heard a disturbing thing from another GF that she had seen my BF being physically abusive with me last Christmas outside of a bar. In fact, they told him to stop handling me that way.
The other week he picked me up and threw me in a bush. A neighbour of mine came out and told him he shouldn't do that to a woman.
I have told him time and time again to leave me alone, but he won't. He comes to my house and scares the living hell out of me. I don't want to call the police in case they pick him up. He is on probation for Assault and Battery, and I am frightened that if they take him in and he gets in trouble with the police, he will come after me. He has guns in his house, and a concealed weapons license, and has pointed it at me before. I just don't know what to do.
I live here in the States. My mum and dad are in England. My closests relatives aren't really around, my uncles are too busy, my 86 year old grandmother would be so frightened. I don't know what to do. I don't want him to harm my dog and cat, or me. I am so scared.
I told him the other night over the phone to not be in touch, and he came to my house.

Welcome to the board Beach...
First of all, you need to get an order of protection, a restraining order, SOMETHING.
Honey, he's already ON probation for assault and battery.
CL-Blueliner4
Please Sweetie! - listen to the posters who have BTDT. I normally don't post on this board, but I have walked in your shoes and some of theirs. We speak from experience, things are not gonna get better (I once thought so too). Like you, I was a strong-willed woman who could handle just about anything, but in all honestly - the man broke me down. I couldn't believe what was happening to me until my best friend pointed it out(she just passed last month, I've known her for 22yrs.), I started to wear the fear, emotions, etc. on my face. I was so ashamed - me being that supposedly strong woman. After the last battle, fight, argument, it took me w/my nightgown and one suitcase sitting on the side of the road and I knew I would not be coming back to the place we shared together to live again. That nite was an eye-opening experience and scary for me, cuz I felt at the time I would take whatever was out there than go back to the place we shared. To keep this brief, that was in 1994-1995. I vowed to myself, I would never put myself in that situation again. I'm so thankful that the spirits that be were with me then and now. But you know what, believe it or not I wound up in another situation close to this - but I'm free now-I was LUCKY. So when I read post like yours, especially it being a BF/GF thing - I have a tendacy to just step away from the puter, for fear of what I really want to say. I'll end this by saying that I really don't want you to become another statistic. Please keep us posted as to how you are doing.
P.S. - another thing I normally don't do is give out my email addy, but I'm doing it for you, cuz I'm really concerned about you. It is as follows:
JuanitaS@101@comcast.net.
Take care and God Bless you.