I don't get it, why do they do this??

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
I don't get it, why do they do this??
1
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 8:39am
Ok so I made a STUPID choice and completely broke the NC rule. D has been calling and texting me these love notes all week and they really got the best of me. On Tuesday he was sending them all day long. He would tell me how much he loved me, how much he missed his family, how much he had changed and was willing to give up EVERYTHING to be with me and our son. I gave in and told him he could come over and spend time with us. I told him that I loved him too and that I missed him. STUPID STUPID STUPID of me ugh. Well, I talked to him all the way up until I left work at 5 pm. Then I called him at 6:15 after I gave the baby a bath and fed him. He usually goes to bed around 7:30-8 so I wanted D to see him before he went to bed. Well, we talked for a few minutes. He said he was picking up some things at Lowe's for a job he is working on and then he was coming over. I texted him at 7 and asked if it would be soon and he texted back "yes." Well, he never showed up nor did he ever call back and let me know. I tried calling 3 times throughout the night. Like I always did before when he would be gone all night, I was worried he was locked up or in the hospital. I ALWAYS gave him the benefit of the doubt. Well, talked to his brother's wife yesterday and D had gone to work with him that morning so I knew he was ok. So I texted him and let him know that I was glad that our son was not older so I wouldn't have to explain this to him. I don't get it though. His mother had men in and out of their lives the entire time he was growing up. It was a very volatile situation and I wouldn't think he would want to pass the feelings he felt growing up on to his children. Apparently I was wrong-- although I won't allow him to do that. Anyway, no call from him yesterday all day. Then this morning he has sent me two texts in the last 20 minutes. They both tell me that he just wanted to tell me that he misses me. I am not responding to them but what is this? Generally D will always find a way to blame things on me. He ALWAYS finds a way. I am thinking perhaps he had nothing to blame it on and no excuses so he just ignored me all day yesterday hoping it would blow over. Typically I would forgive this behavior like I always have, but I am busy writing a new chapter in my life and his character doesn't seem to fit...
UGH. I don't get it...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Thu, 04-20-2006 - 10:19am


Sometimes, I think our partners just need to feel validated..to know that they are "wanted" no matter what has happened. I also agree that taking responsibility for their actions is a tall order that is difficult, if not impossible, for them to fill. Even now - after all the evidence - my H still paints a picture that I was to blame for everything wrong in our marriage.

It's also confusing when we still have feelings...I know this only too well. We can't just shut off feelings that took years to grow.

Just know that you're not alone!!