stupid decision to take his call and

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2003
stupid decision to take his call and
4
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 4:01pm

I made such a stupid decision. I thought I was being so strong and that I was really going to accept that we were over and that I could move on with my life. If you have been following my posts I broke up with my abusive ex last week end. He choked me, grabed me by my face and screamed at me for really no reason except for that he was angry at me and stressed out. I felt relieved finally even though I did still miss him. I dont know why though. Every time I started to think about missing him I thought of all the mean and wrong things he did to me and then I would feel a little better. He kept calling me all weekend but I did not answer unitl Sunday nite. I knew that I was not calling him but I hope that I was strong enough not to take his call. Well I wasnt and I wish I was. Why? Why was I so stupid to take his call. First he started saying that he knows he should not have done it yada yada yada. Then as we were talking he made me feel like I was wrong because I caused the stress to make him flip out. (By going out drinking with my friends and by having my roomate still living with me). He basically said that if that stuff never happened none of this would be going on right now. By the end of the conversation I was apologizing for things that I did not think before were an issue. I hung out with him the last couple nites even though I knew in my heart I should not have done. I just had hope that he would change and things would get better. During those days he was making me feel like crap like it was all my fault for our problems and it was like last week never happened like it was back to before where I get blamed for everything and anything.

He was crying all day yesterday about how I dont care because I still drink and that he still lives with his sisters. He said he cant handle our relationship anymore and it is killing him inside. I had to leave him because I had plans last nite with friends that I made a long time ago. He knew about it too. He kept going back and forth breaking up with me not breaking up with me and I was apologizing again and begging him to stay (WHy? I dont know) with me and we could talk later I had to go. He said fine. I went out and called him while I was out. He started yelling at me for where I was that I was lying and that I better not be drinking. I said that I could not talk right know that I was with friends (it is so embarrassing when u call just to say hi and he acts like that.) I told him I would call when I was leaving and when I did he did not answer. He called later about a million times and when I did answer he started yelling about me drinking again that it is such disrespect to do that he told me not too. He told me to come over and thank God I did not because who know what he would have did or said. Know this was one of my Best Friends Bachorlette parties and we went to dinner and a show and toasted drinks to celebrate. What is wrong with having some drinks with ur friends to celebrate. I am not a drunk nor do I drink everyday. I was drinking to be social not to get drunk. When I ask him why he cares he says because I said so and it I love him and respect him I would never do it. WOW. He called this morning crying saying I dont respect him and that he loves me so much that he cant do this anymore because I cant do as he says. I went off. I pay my own bills, take care of u, take care of my son, and if I want to have coctails with the girls especially to celebrate my BF upcoming wedding I will. I am my own person and can make my own decisions. WHy cant he accept that. Because he cant because their is something seriously wrong with him. How can he demand respect and demand me to listen to him and do as he says when he has no respect for me on the otherhand he can psychically and mentally abuse me when every he wants. Why do I fall for this ever time. He can have girls text him or call him, he can hurt me, call me names, manipulate me into thinking I was wrong, do what every basically he wants because he does not have to answer for it cause it is never his fault. Nothing is his fault. I got to be done this time I just cant take this anymore and I have to stay strong because I cant keeps this rollercoaster ride up anymore. It is wearing me down. I know I made a bad decision to see him and except him back in my life when I know deep down he will never change or give me what I need in life. I am not asking for much just to be loved, respected, and to be treated like an equal not a possession. O well. I guess I learned my lesson I hope.

Thanks for listening

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 6:05pm
Everyone makes mistakes, so don't waste time you could be spending enjoying life in beating yourself up. He performed admirably- he showed you that all you can expect is more of the same from him. You are right, just chalk it up as lesson learned, and continue with NO CONTACT. :)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 8:29pm
What Erin said.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 2:37pm

crk, don't beat yourself up over it.It's very common for women to return to their abusers many times before they actually leave for good,but thankfully you see him for what he is.Although I can't speak for everyone, I do believe that part of the reason we continue to allow them into our lives is because we're looking for validation....validation that WE are not the crazy ones as they try to make us believe.We are good,decent people and for the life of us cannot fathom how someone can accuse of being otherwise.
Unfortunatly,that validation will never come from an abuser himself.He will never take full blame for anything,and will continue to belittle you and make you feel as if YOU are the sole reason for his behavior.He'll never "get it". But I do think you realize that now,and THAT is one of the firt major steps in getting on with your life.Good luck to you,keep us posted.

Serenity

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2001
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 10:13am

Crk21,

Fast forwarding here, it took me 28 years to finally "Get It". Once you give it a name "domestic abuse (violence)" there is no turning back. We are here, at this board, for a reason. We are or have been in terrible relationships with men who have abused us and our children. We deserve better and we understand what you are going through. Take care of yourself and keep posting,

Luv, Sherry