Is this abuse
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| Mon, 05-08-2006 - 10:29am |
DH has never hit me. There are times that I wish he would. Then I could scream abuse. We have been together for several years and he has constantly lied to me about important financial situations. I suffer from depression and closed off from others a long time ago. Two years ago we had what I thought was a break through and took solid steps to change our situations. Things really seemed to improve, I really began to trust him and I started to come out of my shell. Last night I discovered that he is once again lying about our finances. This makes me wonder what else he has been lying about. I don't have any job skills or have transportation and I have serious health problems. My Minister actually suggested that we come to counseling for one year but during that year I develope skills to support myself. If he has not changed in that time then I could leave and take care of my self financially. Is this abuse. I am confused, hurting, scared and feel so alone

heather elaine
OK, this information makes me say that yes, it is abuse. Actually, in the eyes of the law, spitting on someone can constitute a physical assault. Punching a wall is also intimidation, and he's lying about you to others to try to cut you off from them.
Best place to start is in your local Yellow Pages. They will have the number for your local domestic abuse shelter. You may not be ready to leave yet, but they can help you figure out what to do. Also, check out our board webpage, located through the "Learn more about this community" link at the top of the page. And, do keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and if you stay on the board, research the topic of emotional/verbal abuse and reach out to your close friend you can become stronger. Hopefully strong enough to say "enough!" and demand more for yourself. That's what I am trying to do.
>I feel like I don't have any control over my own life and I hate it. I am ashamed of who I have become and embarrassed with my life.<
I too feel that way and it's a horrible feeling. But with more knowledge about what you're experiencing can come more power. You CAN get out - there are many posters on here with proof of that.
I can also relate to the lying. My H took my ATM card and took $$$ from my savings account and lied about why and also put $$$ on my credit card and hid it and the bills from me and let me think I lost it. One last example, and one of the worst: my ATM card went "missing" again one night when he had gone to the bar. I went up there and confronted him - he again let me think I lost it, made me feel GUILTY for confronting him and then even helped me look for it in his car since we had both been in it that day. Couldn't find it. He mysteriously "found" it later that night. The next day I discovered that yes, he of course took it and took $$$ out. I again confronted him, he admitted it, we argued and in the course of the argument he said "if you weren't prengant right now I'd probably do it again". What the pregnancy had to do with it I don't know but looking back, what the hell??!! Who says something like that? Why did I and do I stay? To help me figure out why I accepted that and so many other lies, I just bought a great book: "When Your Lover is a Liar". I'm halfway through it and it's great. I think it will be very helpful.
Everyone is right when they say we all have our own timetable for leaving. Again, I just want you to know you are not alone. Keep posting and begin to regain yourself.
Lisa
Hi,
Yes this is abuse and just wanted you to know that you have one more friend here. Keep posting this is the best help you can get, HERE, and we care,
Luv. Sherry