I rear-ended a car, afraid to tell him
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| Wed, 05-10-2006 - 8:12am |
Hi,
Update
I haven't posted for a while, mainly because he is "working from home" more, so it's been difficult. Luckily I am going to group and individual therapy once a week,and also taking a Domestic Abuse Victim class. Funny. He thinks I am taking how a class for women on boosting their confidence. He is going to an "anger management class only because I "asked" him to but he "feels" out of place there. At this point I don't care anymore because I don't expect him to change EVER. I am just biding my time until I can leave. I've made the first move by opening up a bank account and my own credit card, and although it will take some time I am planning my leave everyday.
The other day, I hit the back of car, luckily no damage to my car, so I can easily hide the situation. I told the other car owner, that I would like to cover this outside my insurance, because I don't want my husband to find out. My concern is that it might be expensive and that will put a dent in my trying to save money. But if I tell my husband, I am worried about his reaction, which has never been physical, but verbal.
I am basing this on his previous reaction to dings that my teen put in our cars etc. He is so quick to comment and be unforgiving of other's misfailings, of course he has never been in a car accident, so he is in a perfect position to be judgemental. I get enough verbal abuse from him without handing him more bullets.
My counselor felt that I should tell him because that is a lot of pressure for me to deal with and that I should not have to handle this alone. She asked me what to you think he would do and I said he would just verbally abuse me and I just can't handle any more than what I already receive.
Is it wrong for me to think that way and hide this from him? (I feel better knowing this is one less hurt that I can prevent for myself, it's my survival instinct.)
How can I stop letting his words affect me?
Why do I allow his words to have power over me?
When will I become strong enough to not let his words or reactions hurt me?
If anyone has any advice for me I would really appreciate it!
Thanks and hugs to all my sisters out there surviving the best they can...

Bhappy,
From a survivor, took me a long time to say the words, I understand. For thirty years I lived like you are now. I left two years ago and can tell you how wonderful it is to be free. You become a "prisoner" of your own life. Marriage or any type of a relationship with another human being should not be like this. We should be who we are meant to be and bring happiness to the world. Life is short, trust me. Keep posting here and we care,
Luv, Sherry
I left after the last time he put our house up for sale. He would threaten me by taking my credit card away, closing checking account and even my car keys, I was a prisoner, this went on for 30 years. The rug was always being pulled from underneath me. My last attorney was even helping him. Once the house was sold, he tired to stop the sale, we had 60 days to get out. While he was at work for three days, I packed and left and moved out of state. You will know when you have had enough, it was life or death for me. Take care of yourself and keep us posted,
Luv, Sherry
Hi Erin,
What you say makes so much sense, I want to leave but it is so hard, because subconsciously I am afraid I won't be able to get away from it. He will not handle this well at all. I am so afraid of what will happen, but that is my emotions talking right now. My gut instinct though tells me to start preparing so I have started to make the moves behind the scenes.
THanks so much for your words of comfort and support.