Should I go to the police?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2006
Should I go to the police?
4
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 9:49pm

Hey everyone! I'm not sure if this is the correct board to post on, but it seems close enough. Here's the story...

I'm 20 years old. I grew up a mile from my grandmother, who owns a huge house where my aunt still lives- and she rents the top floor and the garage apartment out to people. When I was 15 and a junior in high school, my grandfather was dying of brain cancer. So what I would do- I would jog over to my grandmothers house to get her mail.

A guy lives there, at the time he was about 34. He is extremely creepy, and asked out my two older sisters countless times when they were under 18. He's been living there for a while.

One day while I was over there getting the mail, he tried to kiss me. He stepped in front of me to block me from leaving, and tried to kiss me. I got away by pushing him, and he ran after me and tried again- this time holding my arms so I couldn't move. I broke loose and punched him in the face and bolted home!!

I didn't have any contact with him, and I was so stupid and nieve b/c I didn't tell ANYONE about this- except my best friend.

I'm currently in college, and my parents moved to a different state. I go to school close to my grandmother's house, and stay there when I visit my boyfriend who lives in the same town. I lived there over the summer, and this guy stole my underwear! I was missing pairs of underwear daily, and I knew it was him because I just knew he was a pervert. Well, I caught him doing it one day.

After being so furious about him stealing my underwear, I went to my entire family and told them everything that he has done. My father wants to literally kill him, and my mother is furious. Now here's the thing, my own aunt is defending him- saying that my family is defaming him!! She has mental issues, we all know it- because she threatens to sue my mother and her sisters.

Now, this guy and my aunt are teaming up. Over the summer I told the police about him, and they said there's really nothing they can do about the underwear- b/c its my word against his.

I'm thinking about getting an order of protection against him. I am literally scared becasue he knows where I go to school, and he is aware that I went to the police about him- and he knows that my family knows. I think he is on drugs, and I wouldn't put ANYTHING past this guy.

My family doesn't have tons of money to hire an attorney and go after him. Is there something else I can do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Thu, 05-11-2006 - 12:02pm

This is absolutely stalking, and I do think that an order of protection would be wise. I was once advised that if the local police will not help, to go to the state police. I don't know if this is strictly true, but the state police will know who can help, if nothing else. The police not helping is all too common in small towns, sadly.

Another good move is to read "The Gift of Fear", by Gavin de Becker. He gives many tips for how best to deal with a stalker; this may be of help to you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2006
Thu, 05-11-2006 - 1:38pm

In order to get an order of protection, doesn't he have to threaten me? He hasn't made any contact with me lately, he used to e-mail me A LOT- and I never saved the emails! I wish I did because they were very stalker-ish. He got my phone number from my aunt a few years back, and would call me non-stop. I don't even have those records.

It's just scary because who knows what he will do- he knows my home address, and he seems like the revenge type. I just think any grown man who would try to force himself on a young girl is scary to begin with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Thu, 05-11-2006 - 1:47pm

This varies by state (check out www.womenslaw.org and see if they have the statute for yours) but as far as I know, the person has to engage in a pattern of action that would cause a reasonable person to become fearful. If he's been stealing underwear and sending e-mails, he has done that. So, it's not really about overtly threatening someone, though I believe it once was.

Research the statutes in your state, and don't assume that you can't get one because it doesn't fit the legal standard to the letter. The police, or even your local DV shelter (accessible in the Yellow pages) can advise you as to whether the situation fits or not.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Thu, 05-11-2006 - 6:59pm
I'd give the state police a call.