I'm sure many of you can relate......

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2006
I'm sure many of you can relate......
2
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 6:16am
I posted a discussion just while ago. I hope some one can give me some advice but I think the best thing is just being able to vent. Being trapped in such a situation as most of you are I'm sure it gets lonely and hard to talk to anyone about these things.
My life has changed so much over the past couple of years. All of my life I was the outgoing one. even as a child i was hyper and talked all the time. I was stubborn and my family would always joke that i was going to get my way no matter what and i usually did. I was strong and didn't let anything stop me or control me. Although I did mature I have still always been full of life and outgoing. I took care of myself and took pride in my appearance. i was always spontaneous and always searching for a new adventure or some type of knowledge. I loved meeting people and just loved life. I was never the type to stay on schedules and hang out at home. Even after I became a mother, me and my children were always up to something. I wanted them to love life and learn as I did.
I am someone else now. I am depressed. I worry all the time. I can't stand to leave the house unless i have to and when i do i dont even put on make up. I have a bottle of foundation that has lasted 3 months and is still half full. I never fix and style my hair. I just wash it and pull it up. i just dont feel i have any reason for going through the trouble. i have no friends anymore. if i see someone i know in a store or somewhere, i try to dodge them and when my phone rings, i usually try not to answer, even if its family. i dont feel good about myself. i feel stupid and inferior. I feel ugly. I just cant get excited about anything anymore. This is what he has done to me. He has slowly stripped me of any pride or confidence in myself. i even worry about my abilities to be a good mother. i tell myself that i can get out of this relationship and out of this state of mind but its not happening yet, no matter how hard i try.
I am not writing this for pity, but simply am happy to be able to say what i am feeling and have someone actually read it and understand. i'm sure there are many of you who must be feeling a lot like i do and feel all alone. im glad but sad that i'm not the only one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2006
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 9:10am
I know what you're giong through. I think it's depression. I find it hard to make myself go to the store. I have to talk myself into it. I also realize that I have formed social anxiety. I don't know if it was caused by my husband or not. But it sounds like you might be feeling that way. Not answering the phone, answering the door when someone knocks. I'm the same way! I think my husband likes it that way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2006
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 10:36am
I know exactly how you are feeling. I too was like you. Full of life, very talkative, active, just full of life. And those were characteristics that everyone loved about me. Including myself. I always thought I was a strong person. And when I would hear of other womans stories about how they let someone else control them I would be like "I would never let that happen to me". Well, boy, was I wrong. I have totally changed. Now, I dont' even care about myself. When we would go out to family funtions (which is very very few) I will just distant myself from everyone. All I think about is leaving. I've been the bummiest now in my whole life. I dont' remember the last time I did my hair. Or when I took the time to put makeup on. I feel all of this guilt of being a bad mother. Somtimes my son wants to go out and play in the yard, I have to litterally talk myself thru it and take him. I never thought I would be this way. I too have lost friends. I used to always run around with them and just be spontanious. Not anymore. Even when my husband is in his "good mood" and he wants to do somthing, I don't even feel up to it. It feels like too much work. You're right our husbands have done this to us. Why do we just let it happen?? Have we just gotten used to this type of life? Just wanted to share that you were not alone.