How to help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
How to help.
3
Sun, 05-14-2006 - 9:57pm

Hey everyone...and Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there!

I have a pretty serious problem, and I'm having a hard time knowing how to deal with it.

I left my abusive husband four years ago, and I'm not quite over the pain. I've been in a new relationship for three years and am recently engaged. I just found out that DF's brother is being abusive to his live-in girlfriend. We've always known that he was a drunk, but I guess he's been shoving her, calling her names, and keeping her awake all night long so she can't go to work. Apparently this keeping her awake thing happens at least three times a week. She came to DF's mother about this, and she doesn't know what to do. I've told DF that I want nothing to do with his brother, and he doesn't either.

I can't believe this.

Sarah

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
In reply to: stoonsarah
Sun, 05-14-2006 - 10:21pm

This is the thing that sucks about having a family member who is an abuse victim and wanting to help- you can't, not really. What you CAN do is provide support for her, let her know that someone does believe her, and direct her to the appropriate social service links. She should probably begin by contacting her local DV shelter, which can usually be found in the Yellow Pages of your phone book.

Believe me, I know this is tough- you want to just scoop them up and drag them out of there, but you can't. They have to be the ones to help themselves. With your support, they can do just that.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
In reply to: stoonsarah
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 12:13am

The thing is, I really just want to stay as far away from both of them as I possibly can. I don't WANT to be her support person. I'm not strong enough!

God what is wrong with me?

Sarah

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
In reply to: stoonsarah
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 11:26am

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Not a thing in the world. You're torn between "I've dealt with my own situation, I do NOT want to go there again, and I don't really want to deal with these people" and the desire not to sit there and let DV happen. Believe me, I KNOW how that feels. SIL and I do not have the greatest relationship, and I spend a great deal of time torn between "let her hang herself" and "no, you have to do something!" I chose to do something, partly because I'm incurably nosy, but whatever you choose to do is just as valid of a choice.

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