Not really sure what to do...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Not really sure what to do...
2
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 11:28am
It has taken me a long time to reach a point in the healingprocess where I could confidently say I was "recovered" from my abusive marriage, over the past year I have had maybe 2-3 PTSD episodes triggered by things ex has done but I have learned to recognize and deal with such moments. The first one of these occured in December when xh left (what he thought was) a sexy message on my VM. Let me clarify that at the time we had been separated 2 years and almost divorced AND I have full legal custody of our children AND I have never, ever even remotely encouraged such behaviour. The next day he was to take the kids to an x-mas party and he asked if Ilike his message and I managed, without vomiting, to keep my compusre in fromt of the kids and tell him that was way out of line. He only smirked and and replied that "he gets what he wants". It took me alomst 2 months to get over this, it scared my really badly. He radiates sexual violence. During the marriage there were times I was sure he would rape me but it never happened.
Fast forward to this Friday night he calls and leaves me a message that he had a bottle of wine and would be up later to talk and hang out (this makes absolutely no sense as we totally do not have that type of...anything, I make my boundaries very clear and am remote and terse when dealing with him). I obviously tell him no, not to come up but he says I am leaaving now and hangs up...I consider calling a friend to come over but instead just make sure i have the phone at all times and am ready to call the cops if he so much as knocks on my door. I have done it before. The next morning there is another message form him that left me completely stunned. He apparently decided to have sex withsome poor girl and send a message to my VM WHILE THEY WERE DOING IT!!! And beore you ask,its real, not him and a buddy "faking it", I got a variety of opinons on that. I am trying my best to not be triggered by this but it is hard. I am not sure what to make of the whole thing...besides the fact that it is absolutely disgusting, I feel very threatened and am unsure how to read this. Anyone have any ideas? Is he just a wack job or should I feel scared (again)?
Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 2:07pm
It seems wise to maybe just let the police know and see what they say. The phone call (save the message, BTW!) is harassment, and the part where he said he was on his way is a bit scary. I very much doubt he ever left his home, but he was trying to threaten you by making you think he had. Save all the evidence, show it to the police, and get their opinion.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 2:32pm

oh, I definately saved it, although I refuse to listen to it anymore after I played it for my best friend to get her opinion. I have been descending into a state of panic slowly as the day progresses but am trying to regain a grip. I am having trouble focusing at work and I just want to go home and hide.

Lisa
ps As for the police they are already familiar with "Studman" as we have now nicknamed him and his past antics. He was also told by the jusge that if she see's him again in a matter relating to me she would send him away for a long time.