Is this abuse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2005
Is this abuse?
4
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 2:43pm
My husband and I were talking the other day and he always complains how loud I talk. That's just me. I am loud and expressive. I laughed and said "That's me, loud and flamboyant." I dress funky too. His reply, "Yeah you look like a transvestite." Then I asked him if I embarrass him and instead of saying no he said "I've gotten used to you." This is just the lastest in a series of things like this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
In reply to: bigred1973
Thu, 05-18-2006 - 9:39pm

I'd have to know more about your situation to be able to say one way or another. For example, is this something that's part of a larger pattern of saying nasty things- "you're fat", "you're ugly", "nobody will ever want you", and the like? And has he ever been physically abusive to you?

Taken by itself, this incident sounds exactly like something my husband, who is the furthest thing there could possibly be from an abuser, would blurt out and completely not mean it the way it came out. However, abuse isn't so much about isolated incidents as it is the big picture and a larger pattern, and you know what that is better than we do.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: bigred1973
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 7:36am
It doesn't have to be abuse to be something hurtful that you don't want to tolerate in your relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: bigred1973
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 7:29am
Verbal and emotional abuse is basically when one partner is using a pattern of abusive tactics, words, actions meant to demean you and make you feel inferior. If your husband is saying things to destroy your confidence and cut your legs out from under you, then yes, it is abusive. This is how abuse starts out, slowly, subtly, getting more intense over time. On the home page of this board is a domestic abuse checklist. You can check that out and kind of take an inventory of what's going on in your marriage as far as abuse goes. My best to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2005
In reply to: bigred1973
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 2:08pm
Every abuse inventory I look at, I can check off more than 10 that pertain to my husband. He's not physically abusive just verbally. He makes me feel bad about myself. But at the same time he tries to smother me. I don't know what to do anymore.